By the time a child becomes a teenager, he or she may have developed the social skills necessary to sustain healthy friendships. But sometimes a teen may lack those skills or may not come in contact with the kind of influences that will make good friends.
If you are concerned that your teenager lacks quality friendships and you want to help things along, here are a few suggestions that may help:
1. Help your teen develop self-confidence. Praise his appearance, grades, attitude, personality, and character, among other traits, if indeed they deserve praise. Otherwise tactfully suggest small-scale changes that can help her to develop the skills that will attract new friends:
"Helen, your positive attitude is more attractive than complaints. I really enjoy your good-natured quips, but the sarcasm is not very uplifting."
As your teenager becomes more aware of his strengths and takes steps to overcome weaknesses, he will begin to feel more confidence, which may become apparent in interactions with others.
2. Teach manners, courtesy, and social protocol. There are several helpful books on teen etiquette on the market today. Get one for yourself and your teenager to read separately or together. You can casually mention that you'd like a brush-up, too, so your child won't feel like he is being targeted for a personality makeover. Take him to a nice restaurant to observe dining protocol and visit museums or other cultural events where desirable behaviors can be studied and copied indirectly. Expect your teen to communicate courteously with you and others; his peers will notice and appreciate it.
3. Host teen events. Swim parties, same-sex sleepovers, holiday get-togethers and other occasions can bring like-minded teens together. From such events friendships can blossom and grow as kids become acquainted and learn more about each other in an informal setting away from school.
4. Encourage your teen to join social clubs, religious youth groups, and hobby organizations. Among peers with similar interests he may find a new friend or two. Ask who he met or the type of people who are involved to get his take on possible social contacts.
5. Suggest extracurricular involvement. Sports, drama, and yearbook activities are fun ways to get to know other kids his age in a fun and informal way. Such groups often meet after school, sometimes at a person's house, and form fast friendships that will last for years to come.
6. Support neighborhood connections. If your teen wants to hang out with local peers, keep an eye on things but let him give it a try if you feel those influences are safe. If nothing more, your child will get the chance to practice social skills and learn what he does and does not value in other people and friendships.
7. Have him invite friends to your home. There you can monitor their activities and interactions to see if they are well matched. If conflict arises, you may be able to objectively assess the situation and recommend ways of patching differences or finding new friends.
Parents can play a role in helping teens find and foster friendships, albeit a passive one. Don't let your child feel unlikable and alone when you can take steps like these to help him find friends.
