Becoming a teenage mother is a demanding role for most young people. Often the mother is unmarried and living on a low income with little if any health care benefits. Sometimes her family has abandoned her or she may have left them in the past. Whatever her circumstances, chances are she could use your assistance.
However, before you start showering her with advice or guidance in an attempt to mentor her, here are a few tips to keep in mind:
1. Give advice when it's asked for. Avoid telling the mother all the things she should and shouldn't do. Watch for opportunities when she seems uncertain, fearful, or absolutely headed in the wrong direction. Those would the main times to put in a wise word. At other times, hold back on the amount and type of advice you offer. If she feels overwhelmed, she may start to shun you. As the friendship develops, so will a sense of trust and confidence. Over time the young mother may ask you more questions or about your views.
2. Lead by example. Don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake, currently or in the past. Casually refer to some of the services you take advantage of or believe in, along with those that have benefited from them. Live responsibly and let her see the benefits of an integrity-laced life. Invite her to church or to a social event that reflects positive behavior and hopeful outcomes. As you develop a friendship, you may want to share some of your personal difficulties and explain how you worked through them, which in turn may inspire your young friend.
3. Offer selective assistance. Rather than rushing to shower her with money, time, and effort, let her learn to do some things on her own. You can point out the availability of certain services, then let her take the initiative to investigate them for herself. Baby-sit while she goes job hunting, but not necessarily when she parties. Encourage her to work industriously at home or at a job to support the child and herself. Provide the amount of financial help that will motivate her to do more, not less, for herself.
4. Connect her with a network. Aid her in finding out about support groups, free or low-cost counseling services, and other types of community programs that might help her get connected to others. This will help take some of the burden off of you and introduce the young mother to others in a similar situation or to those who can assist her in working through the various issues.
5. Identify local resources. Books, videos, single parent associations, or teenage parent organizations may be able to provide food, clothing, and housing options to help the teen get on her feet. Encourage her to call social service agencies to find out about some of the resources that may be available to those in her situation.
All of us need help occasionally. Look for opportunities to help others who may benefit from your care and concern.
