As a parent or guardian, it is up to you to make sure that your teenaged child is armed with all the essential tools and skills for a successful college experience after high school. A college education can help your child to have a productive future, both personally and professionally. Beyond academics, your child should be prepared for the social experience of college, and the entry into adulthood. The transition from teenager to adult is a cumbersome one for many, and you can help to make it a smoother shift for your college-bound teen. One of the most important skills that your child has to master is responsibility. Teenagers need to develop personal responsibility; they need to abandon dependence, and enter the world as an independent person.
Do not be an enabler – do not help your child to depend on you rather than standing on his or her own two feet. Many parents have a hard time letting go of their baby – even though the “baby” is almost a grown-up. However, it is selfish to hinder your teenager’s development in order to satisfy your need to coddle your child. For example, how does your child wake up for school in the morning? Does he set an alarm clock, and rise when it sounds, getting out the door and off to school in a timely manner? Or, do you have to listen to the snooze alarm going off for an hour before you finally go into his bedroom yourself to pry his head from the pillow? By age fourteen, your child should not need your help to rise and shine. Once he goes to college, you will not be driving to the dorm room every morning to rouse him. He needs to get used to getting out of bed independently. Your child should also learn to take responsibility for his or her diet. If you were to allow your child to make her own food choices, would she make healthy decisions? There is a reason for the freshman fifteen stories (the high number of college freshman that gain about fifteen pounds once they go off to college). Teenagers are used to having healthy meals prepared for them by their parents, and when they go off to college and have to make their own dietary choices, they are not sure what they should choose.
Your teenager will also have to learn to be a responsible roommate. If you are still cleaning your child’s bedroom, then it is time to stop. If you do your teenager’s laundry, stop. If you still pick up after your teen’s snacks in the living room, stop. If your child goes away to college, he will have to take control of the cleanliness and order in his own life. If he doesn’t have any practice or experience with cleaning and organizing, then many problems could arise. His roommate could become angry and unhappy, hindering your teen’s social life, or your child could wind up just living in filth. Neither possibility is appealing. I’m not saying that you should turn your teenager into the housecleaner, but you have to at least instill some basic cleaning skills. Teach your child about organization, show him how to wash dishes, do laundry, and store foods.
Another major hurdle for parents is teaching your child that college is not just about partying – it is also about personal and academic growth. The desired outcome of a college experience is to become prepared for the workforce. However, many college students learn far more about keg stands, jell-o shots, and table dancing than they do about reading, writing or arithmetic. Don’t be naïve – your teenager is likely to party and experiment during the formative college experience, but you have to instill a strong work ethic in your child. Teach him or her that even if there is late night partying on Friday, Monday morning still has to be about getting to class – on time, and getting their work done – well. If your teenager is already partying too much – before even starting college – then you need to force the understanding that work comes first, partying comes last. Although your teenager may not see the importance of this responsibility training right now, there will come a time when he or she will thank you for paving the road for a successful future.
