From the day your child is born, he begins to learn about the world around him. They learn what they can trust, and what they cannot trust. As children grow, their young minds continue to reprocess the messages that they receive. In order for them to make sense of those messages, they need to be consistent.
When parents are consistent from the start, children learn what they can expect from their parents. This helps in the bonding process. Consistency gives a child a sense of security. They know when they cry, a caring parent is going to be there with a bottle or ready to change a diaper. Babies with consistent parents experience less anxiety. They learn they can rely on their parents and trust that their needs will be met.
Keeping regular routines with a child is also an important part of consistency. Days are less chaotic and arguments more infrequent if a child knows what is expected of them upon rising, after school, or when going to bed. Consistency helps a child develop a sense of responsibility in that they know exactly what is required of them.
Children are also less likely to test boundaries or push limits that are firmly set when they know that there will be consequences for deviant behavior. They learn that “no” means “no.” Consistency teaches children cause-and-effect relationships, which helps them as they grow with their ability to make wiser decisions.
Inconsistency can lead to a number of problems because of the messages it sends. Consider this example: a child begins to act silly at the dinner table one night. Because you are in a good mood, you laugh, perhaps even join in a bit. You see no harm in a little goofing off. The child gets the message that, not only is it okay to behave this way, but that it is a good way to get attention. A few nights later, the child acts up again. This night, however, you are in no mood for it. You had a bad day at the office and are tired. You say harsh words, make threats, or perhaps punish the child. The other night you did it yourself, so the child doesn’t think it is the behavior that is wrong. The child is now confused, perhaps feeling anger and resentment towards you. This can lead to rebellion. Rather than learning what is and is not acceptable behavior at the dinner table, your child has learned that you are unfair, and is still unclear on what constitutes proper behavior.
It can be difficult for a parent to maintain the consistency a child needs in this busy world, full of over stimulation. We don’t want to be the bad guy; we don’t want to feel we are being harsh or unyielding. We’re overworked and tired, and an extra 15 minutes of television watching, or letting a broken curfew slide doesn’t seem like it will be the end of the world. However, the more leeway we give our children when it comes to keeping routines and following rules, the more incentive we are giving them to try to push those boundaries even further.
If you have not been consistent with your child, it is never too late to begin. You may find it difficult when beginning to instill good habits and enforce rules. You will most likely be met with resistance that will test your own patience. In the long run, however, developing consistent routines, boundaries and consequences will benefit both you and your child.
