Having siblings can multiply the challenges parents face in raising children. Not only is each child unique with different needs, but children in a family interact with one another. How should parents respond to their children? The following tips can help you raise a family of healthy, happy siblings.
1. Avoid labels
As easy as it may be to label children with their personality traits or physical characteristics, it is critical to avoid this pitfall. All children are multi-dimensional individuals and labels like “sporty” or “pretty girl” focuses on only one aspect of a child. In addition, negative labels such as “slowpoke” can reinforce behavior you would prefer to eliminate. Instead, make sure every child in your family feels cherished and appreciated for his full array of talents.
2. Avoid competitive comparisons
Every child is different, so comparisons are inevitable. As parents watch a second or third child develop, they remember when their firstborn walked, talked and met other milestones. While observations of comparisons are not necessarily harmful, be cautious about infusing them with competition. A comment comparing academic or athletic skill can put undue pressure on a child or cause familial resentment. Instead, if you must point out differences among siblings make sure they cannot be construed as negative or competitive.
3. You don’t need to treat your children the same, but strive for fairness
While it is more important to address your children’s individual needs than to treat all of them the same, it is critical that family members feel treatment is fair. For example, due to differences in their ages, development levels and personalities, children may have different bedtimes, appetites and needs for assistance. The best way to address this is to make each child feel her needs are being monitored and individually addressed. Explain to your children how unique they all are and that you love and nurture them each in a special way. It is perfectly okay to tell your son he has to wait for help with his toy so you can assist your daughter with homework she is having a tough time with. Another night, he will be the one who needs a little more of your time. Ensuring you spend quality one-on-one time with each of your children can help them to feel valued even in those times when they are not your primary focus.
4. Help your children learn to manage conflict
Squabbles among siblings are part of life. You do not need to referee every battle between your children, although you must step in if they are out of control or if a situation recurs chronically. However, it is important to teach them the basics of resolving conflicts so they can work through situations on their own. And, as an added benefit these skills will help them in the rest of their lives. Children need to learn that conflict should be resolved without violence; teach them to use their brains and verbal skills to problem solve, negotiate and work through their situations. Most importantly, teach your children empathy so they can see situations from the viewpoints of others.
5. Give all of your children solid life-skills
Provide each of the siblings in your family with love, affection and a great parental example. Teach them limits and boundaries while encouraging them to achieve high goals. The respect and empathy you show each of your children will set the model for the behavior they follow throughout their lives.
