No one ever said parenting a teenager would be easy even under the best circumstances. There is a fine art involved in handling teens when they enter dark and brooding phases. It is totally natural for a teen to go through angst-ridden periods and they are in general not a need for major concern. However, it is important to be prepared to handle these difficult transitions in your child’s life and also to be able to recognize when your child’s angst becomes a more serious condition that needs to be treated professionally.
Teens are not as well equipped to handle stress as adults are and we cannot expect them to be able to be smooth under pressure. Knowing when and how to help is not always easy, but it can be simple—that’s where good communication comes into play.
Teen angst can be attributed to teens’ brains going through major changes—their hormones are rushing around like mad and they are being faced with more adult choices and responsibilities. Be supportive of your teen’s decision making capabilities by letting her make as many choices as possible on her own. Just let her know that you are there for her if she makes the wrong choice and needs help dealing with the consequences.
Angst may actually worsen with a lack of family time. Busy parents may believe their teen children don’t want to spend time with them, but they do—but don’t expect them to tell you that. One suggestion is for parents to incorporate a family night during which the family spends quality time together. Perhaps family members can take turns deciding what the week’s activity will be. Also, look for videos that you can watch as a family that deals with issues of teen angst and be sure to discuss it afterwards.
Teens also need to have time alone, but they need plenty of adult supervision and structure to make them feel safe when they are on their own. Youth may rebel against rules, but they still need and want them—they are testing the limits of their freedom and of your caring. Caregivers need to give teenagers the best of both worlds—and be consistent when it comes to rules. Consistency from the parents will help lessen teens’ angst against the inconsistencies and unfairness of the larger world.
The best advice for parenting through teenage angst is to keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your kids and their friends and let them know you are available to talk at any time about any subject. Make sure you do a lot of active listening when teens actually do speak. Try to hear what they are really saying, not what you want to hear. Repeat back what you think they said to clarify meaning. Even if you don’t agree with what your child has to say, you can still acknowledge their feelings and express your own opposing feelings without accusing them of being wrong.
Stay calm through it all. Let them know that you are in control and can handle their angst ridden moods. Don’t take the moods personally; remember a teenager’s angst doesn’t have anything to do with you, although it will often feel that way. Try to remember what you were going through and feeling as a teen and see if you can relate to your children’s emotions.
To determine if a teen’s angst is actually clinical depressed, you need to judge the severity of the behavior and its duration. Heavy use of drugs, alcohol or odd eating habits can also be signs of a more serious condition. Always judge on the side of safety and get your teen professional help whenever you feel it is deserved. Remember that no matter how bad it gets, both you and they will get through it—emerging from angst-ridden periods with a greater awareness and respect for each other.
