Many of us can recall those long ago school days when we broke a rule and received due consequences. For some of us, the worst part was going home with the note that would inform our parents. That was when the real punishment might be issued.
Nowadays when an infraction occurs, many parents prefer taking their child's part against the teacher. As a result, kids learn to distrust and rebel against authority in addition to continuing the original offense that led to the school's attempted discipline.
If your child brings home a disciplinary notice from school, what should you do? Here are a few tips that can help you teach your child important values about self-control and responsibility as well as respect for authority as represented by the school system.
1. Ask for the facts. After reading the teacher's note, ask for your child's version of the story. Hopefully the two will mesh. If not, ask your son or daughter why the teacher's version is different.
2. If no satisfactory explanation is forthcoming and the consequence was mild, simply say, "That's life," explaining that unfair judgments sometimes happen. But if there is a significant difference in the two reports, and you feel your child has been unfairly punished, make an after-school appointment with the teacher to discuss the matter. Tell your child you want to clarify the facts, not that you doubt the teacher. If the teacher confirms the initial report to your satisfaction, explain it to your child afterward and verbally support the consequence. But if the teacher accepts your child’s version of the facts and admits to an error, handle this carefully with your child by mentioning that the facts were reevaluated and the teacher will retract the consequence. Never belittle the instructor when a mistake is made.
3. If your child admits to the offense and accepts the consequence, turn it into a learning experience. Especially if this is a first-time incident, remind your son or daughter of the rules for this type of behavior, and suggest that you are sure it will not happen again.
4. When children deny the behavior or criticize the punishment without a solid basis for doing so, be ready to confirm your support for the teacher and school. Remind kids how important it is to play by all rules, which are set in place for their protection, and use sports as an example.
"If no one listened to the coach but did whatever they felt like on the field, there wouldn't be much of a game, would there?"
5. For severe infractions or those coupled with deception, consider adding a secondary punishment at home. Depending on the child's age, grounding, extra chores, or even spanking (by the rules, of course!) may help to teach your child the importance of obedience.
6. Never criticize a teacher, a school rule, or the school generally. In doing so you will undermine academic authority and encourage your children to distrust or disobey school leaders and negatively impact their educational process.
Parents play a key role in supporting school policies. When a teacher does make a mistake, handle it privately and discreetly. Underscoring your child's responsibility for personal behavior and respect for academic authority will enhance his or her educational progress.
