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1. Plan the day in advance. Being with your family can be enough of a stress, don't let other details add to it. If you are hosting the gathering ask for help with the house cleaning, the cooking and the shopping. Make sure everyone in your home has an assignment, even a small child with a rag can wipe dust off of furniture and put toys away. Do as much as possible a day or two before. Many dishes, such as salads and various sides can be prepared ahead of time. Create a party to do list so nothing can be forgotten, and your fabulous dinner can be a breeze. Try to take into consideration, special dietary requirements any of your family may have. If there is a particularly difficult family member, such as an in-law, call them and ask for their input or suggestions. It's better to meet them head on , then to have your mother-in-law show up to say "oh, I thought we were having ham". If she mentions it, yes you'd be glad to have her bring her famous prune pudding. If the gathering is somewhere else, call and offer to bring something, and make travel arrangements, if needed. Leave as little as possible to do on the holiday itself.
2. Remember, the police never go into a dangerous situation without backup, and neither should you. Make sure you have a spouse, date, or other confidant with you for moral support, should things get ugly. Try not to take things too personal. Comments can't hurt you unless you let them. It's a holiday, a time for celebration and to be with the people you love, and who love you. Remember that too, even if you feel like you're the only one who knows that.
3. If you start to feel anxious and tense, excuse yourself and take a short walk. Fresh air and exercise will kick in those endorphins, and give you the outlet your body needs to get rid of that excess negative energy. Remind yourself the reason for the gathering and assure yourself it's only one day. Don't forget about the big picture. The day may come when you might wish you could hear your dad complain and can't.
4. A glass of wine, bottle of beer, or a cocktail, may be just what you need, if others are having them also. Just enough to relax, no more than that. Being drunk, is never a good idea. If alcohol is the source or even just a factor of the family's stress issues, then none is the right amount.
5. Here is a conditioning exercise that will most certainly help you. Start doing the exercise a week or two before the holiday, and do them twice a day, once before sleep, and once upon waking. Here's how it works, tense the muscles in your face and hold it for a minute, then say the word "relax", while you are saying the word you are to release your face muscles, and tense the next muscle group, your arms and shoulders. Tense them as tight as you can, and as before, hold for a minute. Repeat the word "relax", at the same time release your arms and tighten your abs. Hold. Repeat the process till you go through all of your muscle groups. After abs, you can do your buttocks, then your legs, and finally your whole body. The first benefit is that right after the exercise, you will feel very relaxed, but the real benefit comes later, when you are in a stressful setting. All you need to do is say the word "relax" out loud, or silently in your head. Your body will immediately respond by relaxing. It works.
6. Learn to diffuse situations and people. When someone is arguing, they put others on the defensive. There is an expected response of arguing back. Disarm them, by surprising them with a completely unexpected response. An example would be, your father is yelling at you, and instead of yelling back, you walk over to him, smile and give him a quick, loving hug and/or kiss, saying something like "that's what I love about you dad, but tell us what you really think". This will knock him off balance. He may not even remember what he was talking about, but as added insurance, excuse yourself from the room.
7. Keep yourself busy as possible. Whether the party is at your place, or somewhere else, there is usually always something to do. Setting the table, serving the food, clearing the table, wrapping leftovers, or washing dishes. It can remove you from certain situations or relations, and expend excess energy. Also, it's hard to criticize someone who is being so helpful.
8. Promise yourself a reward for staying calm and enjoying the holiday. You could plan a glass of wine in a candlelit bubble bath when you get home, or a shopping trip for the next day.
9. Forget the diet, and enjoy the dinner. Eat. Your body has less energy for anxiety if it's busy trying to digest the seven course dinner you just pigged out on. The same goes for the rest of your family, especially if the main course was turkey.
10. For last resort, imagine that this could be the last time you are all together, because it may very well be. You shouldn't dwell on it, but it could put things in perspective for you, and make things easier to let go.
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