Vacation travel as an anniversary gift

Many well intentioned gift givers don’t realize this but there is a lot of similarity between bestowing a present involving travel and surprising someone with a new pet to live in their house. Specifically, (1) do you know for sure that they really want it, (2) do they have the time and energy to fully appreciate it, and (3) do the costs of enjoying it exceed the initial purchase price?

Certainly the most common scenario in which vacation travel surprises take center stage is when siblings decide to pool their resources and congratulate Mom and Dad for their fifty years of wedded bliss. The rationale that Mom and Dad continued to put off adventurous escapes of their own in deference to soccer games, college tuition, and footing the bill for their children’s weddings, however, may not be enough to justify two round-trip airfares to Paris.

I am reminded of a coworker, for instance, whose elderly mother spoke so fondly of Ireland—the site of her first kiss as a 17 year old foreign exchange student—that the daughter interpreted this to mean that she wanted to go back. Unfortunately, she didn’t take into account a couple of factors before she booked the trip. The first was that the charming village of her mother’s memory had become heavily industrialized and was no longer recognizable. The second was that she was accompanied by her somewhat grumpy husband, who resented that his wife had been kissed by someone else 60 years previous and chose to harp on it every day for the entire duration of the trip. The third was that her mother’s realization she was no longer as lithe and energetic as she had been in her youth put her into a state of depression that lingered until her death three years later.

If the recipients of your travel gift haven’t done much globetrotting up until now, the prospect of suddenly being sent off somewhere distant and strange may be daunting to them. Maybe, in fact, they haven’t strayed far from home all these years for the very reason that neither of them adjusts well to changes in routine, diet, weather or scenery. If, for example, your chosen destination for them is out of the country, is either one already conversant in the language(s) spoken there? The idea is to make them feel relaxed and comfortable in their surroundings, not panic stricken or fearful of making fools of themselves in front of snooty waiters. Likewise, do they have anxieties about flying or trains that you never knew about? Are there medical conditions that could preclude the full enjoyment of sightseeing opportunities? Did they see “Titanic” too many times and make a vow that they’d never step aboard a transatlantic ship? While it’s one thing to try to carry off a splendid surprise as a silver or gold anniversary present, it’s wise to enlist the aid of an insider to scope out the practicalities for you first. Suffice it to say, of course, the best expert is almost always going to be one of the two people for whom the gift is ultimately intended. After all, he or she may have already planned something special to commemorate their longevity, a plan that your unwitting generosity and bad timing could completely screw up.

Who’s paying for what? As easy as it may be for you to simply put a pair of airline tickets on your credit card and wave “bon voyage,” have you worked out all of the logistics of what happens once they get off the plane? Furthermore, have you taken care of the cost of their hotel accommodations, transportation and meals as part of an all-inclusive package? Unless you know the celebrants’ financial picture pretty well, it’s unreasonable to “treat” your parents or grandparents to a vacation if it means they’ll be parting with several thousand of their own dollars in order to have a place to stay and three meals a day. This is why cruises tend to rank so high on the list, especially for elderly couples who feel safety in the comfort of numbers—and well organized group activities—as opposed to being left to their own devices. With everything already paid for in advance, the only thing they have to do is kick back and soak it all up in style.

If they are of an age, intellect and fitness that wandering around Sao Paulo during Carnival or bartering with street vendors in Macao doesn’t phase them in the slightest, you and your siblings can bulk up their buying power with a special debit card that can be used at ATM’s and for charge purchases. If your parents or grandparents are like most, they’re going to balk at the idea of you handing them great gobs of cash at the departure gate and telling them to have fun spending it. A debit card will not only alleviate some of that protest but also be a safer way for them to have easy access to funds without having to carry a lot of money.

Another popular route is for the anniversary couple to be accompanied on vacation by the trip planners themselves. This is not only a way to assuage the latter’s angst about the airlines losing one’s parents (along with their luggage) but providing the family an opportunity to create a lasting memory as well. If you do this, however, keep in mind that the larger the group, the greater the need for one person to be in charge of orchestrating the details. A friend of mine who owns a travel agency frequently relates Hawaii horror stories of siblings who either shirked their assigned tasks or duplicated arrangements that had already been made. While everyone is going to want to have a say-so in where to stay, what to eat, and how to fill the calendar, the bottom line is that you can’t lose sight of who this special trip is actually for. A skillful arbitrator can ensure that the anniversary couple has as much “alone time” to reflect on their union as the rest of the family and friends have to enjoy each other’s company.