Being faced with the decision of whether to tell a fellow parent that his/her child is using drugs can be extremely intimidating. You may find yourself totally overwhelmed by the prospect of delivering such devastating news. To assist you in telling the parent about his/her child's drug use, you can construct a "game-plan." Below are some questions that you can ask yourself when doing so.
Did the information regarding the child's drug use come from first-hand knowledge and/or a credible source?
Though it's not necessary to have first-hand knowledge of the child's drug use, you should, at least, believe that the source who told you the child is doing drugs is credible. Be prepared to share the source with the other parent. If you doubt the source's credibility, but feel compelled to tell the parent anyway, by all means, do so. However, be sure to indicate any doubts that you may have about the source to the parent. If you have not witnessed the child taking drugs, but have seen him exhibiting symptoms of drug use, like slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, etc., share this information with the parent.
How should I approach the other parent?
Perhaps the best way to approach the subject of a child's drug use is by putting yourself in the other parent's shoes. Ask yourself, "if my child were in the same situation, how would I want to be informed?" This is especially true if you find out that your child is using drugs with the other child. Though instinct may cause you to be angry at the other child, remember that his parent is probably an innocent party, just as you are.
If you already know the other parent well, you can decide how you want to impart the news to him/her. For example, you may know in advance that the other parent is not a very social person, and therefore, may appreciate being told via telephone rather than in person. While another parent may require face to face contact (and a hug) when receiving the news.
If you don't have a preexisting relationship with the parent, do what feels right to you. If you are the type of person that is able to lend emotional support easily, consider telling the parent about his/her child's drug use in person. If you don't feel comfortable approaching a stranger with such information, calling him/her on the telephone be a better approach.
How might the other parent react?
Though you think that you are doing a great service by telling a parent about his/her child's drug use, know that the parent you are telling may not respond in the way that you wish. Some parents may automatically defend their child and deny that they are doing drugs. If you are faced with this situation, remember to stay calm. Even a parent who knows that you are telling the truth may instinctively deny your allegations in an effort to protect their child. In this situation, simply say something like, "I am so sorry that I offended you. I just wanted to make you aware that there is a real possibility that ______ is using drugs."
What can I do to help the other parent?
Prior to approaching a parent with the fact that his/her child may be using drugs, consider finding resources to help them cope with the news. If possible, print information from a computer or buy a book regarding drug use in children. Giving parent information regarding treatment options for his/her child may help him/her to see that the situation is not hopeless. You can also provide him/her with a list of local and national telephone hotlines, so he/she can talk to someone who is trained in handling such situations.
Choosing to tell a parent about suspected drug use in his/her child is a very brave decision for another parent to make. Though it may take a great amount of emotional courage to break the news, your decision to get involved may have everlasting consequences. After all, you may be saving the life of a child.
