Fix family feuds

First, if the argument is recent, allow yourself and the other player(s) the time to calm down and be willing to converse with you. Moving too quickly could cause even more animosity and bring the separation to an even greater level.

Someone has to step up to the plate and be the bigger person, the one who will initiate the healing or mending process. Someone has to make the first move and begin the compromise. Although it may be the toughest thing you may do - when of course you may feel that you did nothing wrong, you may have to swallow your pride and allow yourself to move forward and forgive. Reach out to your family member asking them to open up and talk to you. It is best to start with an apology for whatever your role may have been in the feud. Take responsibility for your actions. Explain why this feud is not as important as your relationship; reaffirm your love for the other person.

You must remain mindful of the fact that your feud - be it between two family members or all - affects everyone in the family unit. Ask yourself whom in your family, though they are not directly involved, the rift is affecting.Think of the unnecessary stress you may be putting on others. Are other family members or children caught in the middle?

Remember to try and look at it from the other side of the fence. Try to see the other side of the story. Try to understand why other person acted in a way that you have found unpleasant or offensive. Keep in mind that the other person or group probably has valid points that you need to consider. Did you do or saying something offensive? After reflection, and being honest with yourself, ask yourself if you played the biggest part in the conflict.

When you are ready to begin the healing work, choose a location that is private and you both or all can be in each other physical presence. Communicating in person gives you the opportunity to better express your feelings as well as gauge how the other(s) feels.

I really cannot impress upon you enough to listen to what is being said. You can only give an honest opinion when you have a true understanding of the feelings and concerns of everyone involved. However, if the response is one of continued anger, do not respond with anger. Give them time to reach a place where they are willing to talk calmly and rationally. Remember to let your behavior demonstrate your willingness to find a compromise.

It is a good idea to develop borders so that proper healing can take place. Nothing can ruin the healing process faster than when someone brings up a hurtful event long before the healing or forgiving has had a chance to take root. Establish an amount of time that the subject will not be brought up, whether it is hours or days. Whatever the time frame though, stick to it! During this time the other person(s) involved will have time to see the importance of the relationship and minimize the importance of the conflict and be more willing to come to a healthy resolve.

If a feud is the result of physical or emotional abuse, you don't want to be in that situation for any reason. If you are being abused - especially if physically - seek help from your local law enforcement agency.

If after all of your best efforts you find that progress is not coming your way, it is very wise to seek the help of a qualified family counselor in your area. Don't let months and years go by without talking to a loved one because of a feud. There are not many feelings that are worse than to realize that you no longer have the opportunity to mend fences from a past feud. Remember that success revolves around and relies on honest communication.