Social anxiety? Don't know what to talk about on your first date? Here are some tips and advice on how to keep the conversation flowing.
What to Talk About?
Well-chosen questions make great conversation starters. Before the date, think of a few questions to use during awkward silences. Don't ask questions that can be answered in one word--revise them so that they encourage longer responses. "Have you seen any good movies lately?" is a better question than, "Did you like the new Spiderman movie?" Remember, though, that a date isn't a job interview. Rather than firing a string of questions at your date, answer a few of them yourself, or tell an anecdote.
Telling personal stories is a good way to open up to a date, allowing her to get to know you. A good personal anecdote is relatively short, relates in some way to where the conversation has been or where it should naturally lead, and has a beginning, middle, and end. Storytelling goes wrong when the teller gets to the end and doesn't know why he is telling the story in the first place, or worse, when the teller seems like he's never going to get to the end. Think of the end of the story before you start telling the beginning.
Body Language
A man's posture and eye contact show his date that he is interested in what she has to say, and will make her enjoy the conversation more. A shy or quiet man may be tempted to cross his arms or legs, but it sends a closed-off, angry, or bored vibe. Keeping your arms and legs open is a posture that makes you seem more approachable, and will make your partner answer your questions with a little more depth.
Mirroring your partner's movements is a subtle but powerful way to make a conversation feel more intimate. If your date leans in across the table, wait about five seconds and mirror her move by leaning in also. If she lays an arm across the table and fingers her wine glass, wait a few seconds and do the same.
The most important bit of body language to remember, though, is to make eye contact during the conversation. Eye contact can be a tricky thing. If you stare too intently while a woman is talking, she might feel uneasy and be tempted to stop talking just so you'll stop staring. If you do not make enough eye contact, though, she'll find you shifty and think you're hiding something. To balance out when to gaze into her eyes and when to look at your food, remember that eye contact is an emphasis tool. If your date is expressing something that means a lot to her, look in her eyes while she talks. If she's just chatting about the weather, it's okay to look at your meal.
Remember to Listen
The final and most important rule of good conversation is to spend a lot of time listening. To a woman, the only thing worse than a silent date with no conversation, is one in which the man she's with spends the entire time talking about himself. She may impressed by his accomplishments, but is not likely to want to spend more time being bored by another litany of them. It's more likely that she has accomplishments of her own that she'd like to share. When she shares a story or tells you her pipe dreams, listen actively and don't interrupt.
Listening actively is a combination of body language and responses to your partner's words that involves the listener in what the speaker is saying, without allowing the listener to take over the conversation. When you want your date to know that you are listening to her, use body language that shows that you are listening. Look her in the eyes, nod when she says something you agree with, and ask her to tell you more if you don't understand. Occasionally, respond by rewording what she's said. For example, if your date tells you how much she enjoyed picking strawberries with her mom as a child, you could respond with, "It sounds like you had a great relationship with your mom."
The ideal first date conversation involves give and take on a variety of topics chosen in turns by the partners. By the end of the date, each person should know about the other's interests and goals, and should have some idea whether or not the person across the table is somebody with whom he or she is compatible. By asking questions and telling stories, using good body language, and listening to your date, both partners will easily learn whether a second date will be a waste of time or the start of an enjoyable relationship.
