When does helping your child with his homework cross the line into doing your child's homework for him? Here are some tips on how to help your child with his homework without taking over.
Your child comes home and announces the one thing that makes your toes curl and the muscles in your neck tense up with anxiety, "I need to do a science fair project and it's due in three weeks!" Within moments, you flash through different ideas of possible projects, mentally pick one, think of the materials you will need and their approximate costs, create a shopping list and write and revise the hypothesis. Meanwhile, your child has no idea that in the blink of an eye, his pending science project has been chosen and practically written.
As parents, we are consumed with the desire for our children to succeed both socially and academically, but at what cost? Have you ever walked through an elementary or middle school science fair and mentally picked out the projects that were more than likely designed and created entirely by the parents? Unfortunately, many parents mistake "helping" a child with his homework with "doing" a child's homework for him. In their quest to help their child succeed academically, they are actually stifling a child's natural ability to learn. These parents want so much to have their children succeed that they deny their own child the natural opportunity to fail and pick themselves up again. Down the road when this child does fail at something, they will, more than likely, be unable to adequately deal with this emotion and they will have no idea how to handle it. Here are some ways to help your child with his homework without doing it for him.
When it comes to projects (like science fair projects, book reports or presentations), encourage your child to brainstorm their options. For example, if your child must choose a topic for her science fair project, you can help her brainstorm by asking her thought-provoking questions about her hobbies or interests. Maybe she loves reading about dinosaurs. You can help guide her into making that interest a potential project. Listen to her brainstorming and answer questions as they arise, but do not fall into the trap of choosing her project for her, even if she beg you to. By doing so, you will be doing your child a major disservice.
Nowadays, many teachers will assign projects and homework assignments that specifically state that the child should receive only minimal help with their homework. Even if there are NOT specific instructions which discourage parental help, wait for your child to ask for help before providing it.
It is actually a good idea that you review your child's homework once they have completed it. It is okay to review and recommend but do not rewrite or revise. For example, if your child finishes a math worksheet and you notice that three of the answers are off a little bit, it is tempting to just erase the answer he has written down and put in the correct answer. After all, he was only off a few digits, right? Wrong. If your child has errors or omissions on his homework, simply circle them and suggest he review them again. If he understands the concepts, he will eventually see his mistake. If he does not understand why he has made a mistake, go over his lesson with him again to make sure he understands it.
It is also extremely tempting to see your child work on a project or homework assignment where they are asked to show their creative talents and want to completely take over and do it yourself, especially if you feel your child is doing only a so-so job. Resist this urge. Your child must learn to develop his or her own creative talents without your help. Guide, but by no means should you take over.
