The number one issue that married couples in the United Stated fight about is money. Couples have a hard time making financial decisions jointly, and they often argue about who is the best decision-maker. When there is a substantial amount of debt, the fighting often intensifies. Couples need to learn how to effectively handle financial discussions so that their debt doesn't lead to the downfall of their marriage.
DON’T TALK ON THE RUN
The last thing that you ever want to do is attempt to have a financial discussion on your way out the door for work. When you want to talk about bills, set aside time when the two of you are able to sit down together and carefully go over the issues at hand. Don’t start a conversation that you don’t have time to finish. If you are hurried, you are more likely to get frustrated with each other. You will try to talk over each other so that you both can get your points across, but what will really happen is that you aren’t listening to each other – you are just trying to blurt out your side before you have to jolt out the door. It is completely counterproductive. You started out with a discussion about money, and now you are fighting because you both feel like the other one isn’t listening to your point of view.
SET GOALS AND PRIORITIES
Sometimes the reason that you fight with your spouse about money is that the two of you have not expressed what your financial goals and priorities are. What are the major debts that you have? You should both be informed about them, and have a plan for reducing the balances. Maybe the two of you want to save for a house. Or, maybe only one of you wants that. You have to find out where the two of you agree and disagree, and then you have to reach a mutually agreeable compromise about where to allot your funds. You might have wanted to get a house within two years, whereas your spouse was thinking more along the lines of seven years from now. The two of you could agree to compromise at a goal of five years instead. If one of you has a complaint about too much spending in a particular area, such as on groceries, then you should set a goal budget for the monthly grocery expenses. If you map out your priorities, you will both be able to feel more relaxed, knowing that you have a plan, and you are both happy with it and committed to sticking to it. Both short-term and long-term goals should be set.
NEVER KEEP SECRETS
One of the worst cycles to get into is keeping secrets about your spending habits from your spouse. If you are hiding something, then you must feel guilty about the purchase or expenditure for some reason. Perhaps you know that it was an irresponsible decision, and you know that if your spouse was aware of it, there would be a major argument. Keeping secrets about money is dangerous, and it can lead to dishonesty in other aspects of the relationship. It is a bad pattern to get into, and when you are caught, your partner will be very hurt by the fact that you didn’t trust them enough to keep them informed. However, if you don’t want your spouse keeping financial secrets, then you have to be open to forgiving a few transgressions that your partner may make with money. Maybe they went on an impulse-buying shopping spree, and spent much more than they had intended to. If they come clean, you have the right to express your discontent, but you should also be willing to let it go, so that your partner isn’t afraid to be truthful in the future. Everybody makes mistakes, but lying to your husband or wife about money doesn’t have to be one of them.
DELEGATE RESPONSIBILITIES
One of the best ways to avoid fighting over finances is to be organized. Track your expenses, and decide who is going to be paying what bills and when. You might be in charge of paying the car insurance each month, whereas your spouse will be on top of the mortgage and the phone bill. If you have everything covered between the two of you, then you won’t have to worry about who is doing what, or if you were supposed to or they were supposed to pay a particular bill. Make a list of the bill payments, and divvy it up as you see fit. In some cases, only one spouse will be in charge of physically making the payments. If this is the case in your marriage, make sure that the spouse who is not involved with the payments is still informed about the household finances. In the tragic case that the bill-paying partner dies or becomes ill, the other one should know how to take the financial reigns.
STAY ON TOPIC
If you are talking about money, then talk about money – only. You shouldn’t let other squabbles seep into financial discussions, because that is precisely how we become so emotionally-charged when we talk about money. Stick to the matters at hand, and you will have much more civil discussions. Likewise, don’t talk about money when you are talking about other family or relationship matters.
