How important is self-esteem in a relationship? Self esteem and self worth are very important in a relationship so not to control the other person by demanding approval and acceptance of mistakes. I think...
I think self-esteem is the most important foundation for everything. When we do not have self-esteem, we mean that we do not know our own value, we don't have confidence in ourselves, and we don't love ourselves. It's impossible for us to believe that somebody else loves us. If we start self-sabotaging and feeling unworthy of love, we'll feel our partner is lying, because how could he possibly love me when I don't believe that I am lovable? Quite often we start self-sabotaging to prove ourselves right. For instance, I might think I am not worthy of this great relationship, so I'll go out do something untrustworthy unconsciously, so I can say, "See, I was right. I didn't deserve this. I am no good." You will hear people in the beginning of the relationship say, "I don't deserve you." When someone says that, be worried, because if they don't think they deserve you, they may just do something to prove to you that they were telling the truth.
Self-esteem is tricky business, because the other side of that is that if we don't love ourselves, it's very hard to love other people as well. We won't even have a foundation for that and won't know what it means. Very few of us know what love is. That's a sad thing, but the reality is that love is not based in jealousy, fear, or hurt. You can experience all of those things, but it's not based in those things. I just think we are missing the mark, because we are basing so much of our relationship on our ego, on trying to be right, on trying to control, and on trying to get the other person's approval instead of accepting the other person and ourselves as who we are and growing together. We will make mistakes and may do things that are wrong, but we need to take a deep breath and reset our intentions to grow together again.
