Sometimes no matter what you do brothers and sisters simply don't get along but you can encourage them in certain ways.
It's a fact that most siblings argue and disagree - some more often than others. As parents, no matter how hard we try, we are still sometimes faced with kids that physically fight and say mean things to one another. As the children grow older they often become closer but sometimes they end up being nearly enemies. There really is nothing you can do to make your children be close friends but there are some things you can do to encourage friendship between them while they are young.
The challenge actually begins when the first baby is born. Encourage the child, as he or she grows, to play well with others, share, and not display rude and selfish behavior, even if others are behaving that way. Never encourage the youngster to "get even" with another mean child or to hold grudges. Remember, kids will learn from you so your behavior towards others who've made you angry is very important. For your child's sake, let them see you handle anger and frustration with dignity. Let them see you talk about the matter and say who and what has made you angry but never let your child see you retaliate. This will only teach them to grow up acting the same way.
The problem can become serious when a new baby is born. If the first child seems to be jealous there could be serious issues later. Encourage the firstborn to help with the newborn but don't insist on it. Turn things around by pointing towards the talents of the oldest. Say things like "why don't we show the baby how well you can sing". By taking the focus off the newborn and placing it on the older child you reassure the child that he or she is as important and prized as the new sibling. As the baby grows encourage the children to sit and play nicely together. Find games like "give and take" where the older child gives the baby a toy to play with and everyone smiles and claps then the parent helps the baby give the older child something in return while everyone smiles and claps. This reassures all involved that it's okay, even fun, to share with their siblings.
On special days like Christmas set aside a small amount of time for sharing. Ask the youngest child to let the older one hold his or her favorite gift and examine it. Ask the older child to do the same for the younger. Allow them to hold and explore, for a short time, some of each other's gifts. Do this on a small scale by letting them open one present on Christmas Eve. Encourage them to "trade" with each other for awhile. The kids are usually in agreement to do this because they get to check out new things that belong to the others. On birthdays in particular, children can feel left out since one child is showered with gifts. After the birthday child has had time to play with his new toys ask him or her to let the others "see" it. This means allowing the others to hold and examine the new toy for a short while.
Children will get into verbal arguments. That's to be expected. Allowing the kids to verbalize is good for them but when the argument turns nasty and the kids begin calling each other names and saying other mean things, it's time to step in as a parent. One "punishment" is to make them sit side-by-side on a sofa or elsewhere and say nice things to each other. Tell them that they can get down and play only after they have said 5 nice things to the other. They can take turns. You choose who goes first or do it fare and square with the toss of a coin. After the first child has said something nice to his or her sibling, ask the other to do the same. They can say something as meek as "I guess your shirt is pretty cool" as long as it is something positive. Don't accept mean remarks like "You're not as stupid as I said you were" since these types of comments defeat the purpose. Monitor the session. In anger it's sometimes difficult to think of something nice to say. You can point them in a certain direction by saying something like "Kids will try to keep arguments to a minimum since most would rather not go through this each time an argument erupts.
Some kids are naturally better behaved than others so rewards sometimes make the rowdier child feel as though they are not as good as the other child. Don't give rewards again and again to the good child while you leave the problematic child with nothing. Search and find something to reward the troublesome child for too. And don't do the opposite - spend much time praising and encouraging the troublesome child while leaving out the "good" child because you know he won't complain.
Encourage the children from an early age to be thoughtful. When one child is sick ask the others to pitch in and clean up his room or do some of his chores. Pitching in and helping them with this will demonstrate that it's a family effort. If they grumble just remind them that the "well" kids will do for him should he fall ill. When the child is feeling better encourage him to do something to thank the ones who were there for him while he was sick. This can be a verbal "thank you" or a handmade card. They'll be more likely to do this if you go buy new construction paper, glitter or colorful pens just for them.
Nothing you do will guarantee that your children will always be best friends but you can encourage them from the cradle to treat their siblings with respect and fairness.
