What you need to know about the adoption process, including legal issues, paperwork and general procedures of finding a baby.
Adopting an infant can be a stressful experience for anyone involved. It takes a lot of time, patience, financial backing and commitment. Simply wanting to adopt a child is not enough. You have to be armed with the knowledge of what to expect from the adoption process so that you can determine if it is indeed the path you want to choose.
The first step in trying to adopt an infant is to locate agency or an attorney who specializes in adoptions. You want to make sure that whoever you are working with has a solid history and an outstanding reputation. Make sure you ask for references and do not sigh up with the first person you talk to. Research several agencies or attorneys to make sure you find the right fit.
Make sure you are aware of what will be expected of you as a prospective parent. When you have made you selection a long process will begin. You will be proving very detailed information about yourself. Your life is about to become an open book. There will be background checks, home visitations by a case-worker to see what type of environment you are living in. They will want to make sure you have enough room for a child to come live with you. Your medical history may also play a factor. They need to know that not only are you emotionally stable but healthy enough to raise a child. They will want to know about your personal life. What kind of hobbies you have who you hang out with. That type of thing.
If you make it through that section of the process the next step will be matching you up with an expecting mother unless you are opting for a closed adoption. You will put together a sort of biography about yourself so that the birth mother can determine if you are the right family for her to choose. You will want to make sure it is personable so she understands who you are and what you have to offer as parents. You will also want to include photos. In most cases the biological mother will have chosen you from a list of other prospective parents. She will be asked her own questions about what she is looking for in a family. Again this occurs when someone is planning an open adoption which is becoming much more the norm than closed adoptions.
Once a biological mother has chosen you arrangements will be made to either meet in person depending on where everyone is living or communication may be made by phone. This gives both parties a chance to ask more questions of each other to help determine if this is a good fit. This is a wonderful time to share concerns about the whole process. Be honest and open.
After this initial contact if both parties agree to proceed than more meetings will be scheduled. Documents will be signed that both parties involved agree to whatever terms you may wish. For example although as a prospective adoptive parent you cannot offer the biological mother any money her to give you her child. You will be able to help pay for her living expenses while she is carrying the child. You will also be able to pay for her medical expenses while she is pregnant including the expenses of the actual delivery.You will also be responsible for paying for her attorney fees if you has retained one. Keep in mind that depending on the state you reside in you may also be expected to pay for counseling which the biological mother will be expected to attend both pre and post delivery. It is usually customary that if the biological mother backs out of the deal then she is responsible for reimbursing any fees you have paid to her. Of course there are also the fees that are payable to the attorney or agency that is representing you.
Counseling is likely not mandatory for the adoptive parents but may be a good idea. There can be many highs and lows when you are trying to adopt. It is good if you can prepare yourself mentally for the challenges that await you. You may want to attend a support group with other parents who are also trying to adopt.
As the due date for the baby gets closer you will want to arrange to meet the birth parents in person. It gives you all a good chance to address any concerns you might have and just to talk in general about the life you are able to offer the child. It is important to remember that just like you have a reason for wanting to adopt a child that the adoptive parents also have reasons for placing the child for adoption.
Once the baby's due date has arrived you hopefully have already determined what role if any that you will play in the delivery room. This is most often the time of reckoning. The biological mother may at this point change her mind. She may just want to spend some time with the baby or she may be ready to hand the child directly over to you. It will all depend on the circumstances that led up to this occasion.
The attorneys or the individuals that you are working with from the agency will be on site shortly after the birth depending on the day and time. Papers will be signed by the biological parents first. Basically they are giving up all their legal rights to the child. Once those papers have been signed by a judge it is virtually impossible to get the order reversed unless there is proof that the biological parents were forced to sign them.
Once the papers are signed you are free to leave with your child to start the life you have wanted. Keep in mind that if you did have an open adoption you as the adoptive parents are legally bound to keep the agreements with the birth parents. For example if you agreed that they would be involved in the child's life by having some sort of contact. So you do need to be able to keep up with whatever was agreed upon by you and the birth parents.
If you are adopting a child born outside of the United States then there will be some difference to the process. These may or may not include mandatory visitations to the country you wish to adopt from as well as waiting periods once the child is born as well as possible other differences. You will need to make sure to find out what those are if you are looking to adopt a child from another country.
Remember that adopting a child is hard work.. Just because you are not physically carrying a child of your own does not make it any easier on you. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever experiences in your life even if it does all go smoothly. Try to keep an open mind and an open heart.
