You Will Know It's Time For A Divorce When He Does These Things

It is time to get a divorce when your marriage is filled with infidelity; physical, sexual, emotional abuse or untreated addictions.

With over fifty percent of marriages in the United States ending in divorce these days, it can be difficult to know when a divorce is definitely warranted, and when the relationship has a problem that can be repaired. When is it really time to throw in the towel?

It is a necessity to get a divorce when you are being abused by your husband. Often, abuse begins with verbal abuse. A husband may call his wife names, make derogatory comments about her appearance, and even make false accusations of infidelity. He may demonstrate controlling behavior, which can range from numerous phone calls to "check on" his wife when she leaves the house to go to work or do errands to physically restricting his wife from leaving the house. These behaviors may not leave bruises, but the emotional damage that they leave can be devastating.

The most obvious form of abuse is physical abuse. Often, men who have hit, pushed, or otherwise physically abused their wives make promises that the abuse will never happen again. Unfortunately, even if the man means these words at the time he is saying them, this is not how the cycle of physical abuse works. Once a man has hit you once, an important limit has been broken. If you choose to stay with him after such an event, he knows that he can do it again without repercussions. Abuse tends to increase, not decrease, over the course of a relationship. Sadly, many such relationships end with the death of the female partner.

Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are definite deal breakers in a marriage. You promised to be with him in sickness and in health, but that clause is null and void when he is the one causing the sickness! If you are in an abusive relationship, call 1-800-799-SAFE (The National Domestic Violence Hotline) for confidential advice on how to leave such a relationship safely.

Another marriage buster is addictive behavior that is not addressed. If your husband is an alcoholic, chronic gambler or drug addict, and he is not in treatment for these behaviors, then your marriage is in trouble. Addicts create and maintain chaos in the lives of those around them. Your husband may put you in the role of maintaining his behavior; by asking you to make excuses for him when he misses work, or to help him procure an illegal substance. This is called codependency. If your husband is an addict, consider attending an Al-Anon or similar meeting that helps people address the problems created in their lives by living with an addictive personality. If you are still not comfortable in the relationship after trying support services and the recommended coping mechanisms, then it is time to call it quits.

During the past twenty years, infidelity has become a marital problem that carries even more weight than it did before. Since the onset of AIDS, living with an unfaithful husband can cause you to risk your very life. Dealing with the accompanying loss of trust that infidelity brings is devastating enough; dealing with potentially fatal health consequences is not at all acceptable.

If you discover that your husband has been unfaithful, insist on marriage counseling and a vow of fidelity. Ask him to provide you with recent evidence that he is free of sexually transmitted diseases, and use protection until he does so. If he refuses to provide you with this peace of mind, or to make a commitment to fidelity, then it is time to split up.

Perhaps the biggest reason of all to seek a divorce is if your husband is being unsafe around children. If he behaves in an abusive, demeaning way towards the children; subjects them to unsafe behaviors such as driving while intoxicated with the children in the car; or heaven forbid, is sexually abusing them; then this is the biggest reason of all to split up. As adults, we can make our own decisions, for better or worse, but children must rely on us to provide them with safe, loving environments. If, as a parent, you cannot accomplish this due to your husband's behavior, then it is your responsibility to separate from your husband until he is able to act appropriately around children, and divorce him if this is not possible.

Every marriage has times when one partner feels less "in love," or is stressed about finances, in-laws, or a job situation. These are the well-known rough patches in marriage.Chances are, unless you are experiencing abuse, infidelity or dealing with addiction issues; your marriage will make it. Never hesitate to utilize the support of a professional marriage counselor, your place of worship, or the counsel of good friends who themselves have healthy marriages. Most marital problems can be worked out with commitment on the part of both partners.

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