How to be aware of your own stress levels and how to limit the effect your stress has on your kids.
Stress is highly "contagious". Without realising it, you can transfer your stress and anxiety on to your kids - often, with dire results. A child can "catch" stress from its parents, even when the cause of the adult stress doesn't directly involve the child. There is scientific evidence that shows that children's learning ability and memory can be adversely affected by parental stress. It can even alter growth hormone levels in the child. Although it is impossible to eliminate stress from your own life, you can drastically reduce its impact on your children and protect them from its worst effects.
A child's sense of security is based on a belief that its parents are in control. Even babies can sense when their parents are out of control. Youngsters certainly pick up on their parents' subtle mood changes. Be aware of this and look for patterns when your child gets tense. Try to reduce your obvious agitation, in these situations, from the outset.
When you're under stress, you automatically become less tolerant. Understand that you have less patience during times of stress and reduce your expectations of your child's behaviour accordingly. Accept that your toddler can't eat a meal in five minutes flat without making a mess, or that your teenager is going to spend anything less than half on hour on the phone to friends. Don't expect the impossible!
Reduce the impact of your work related stress by trying to do something pleasurable between leaving work and arriving home. A break between work and home puts you in a better frame of mind and your kids will benefit. At home, try not to hide any work problems because your kids will sense that something is amiss. Instead, summarise and dismiss your problems in their presence.
Don't set yourself unattainable high standards. If you do, the pressure will inevitably be transferred to your children. Realise that you don't have to be perfect and your kids will be happier as a result.
Have a simple, set routine for you and your family. Establish predictable daily patterns and then everyone knows what is expected of them. A regular routine reduces stress all round.
Give your kids time to talk about what's on their minds. Listen, without talking if you can. Attention, without advice, is what your kids really want.
Finally, be on the look out, constantly, for signals that you may be passing your stress on to your kids. Warning signs tend to fall into four main categories:
1. Misbehaviour:
Playing up more than usual is the most common sign that a child is attention seeking. The child wants to shift the focus away from the parents' preoccupation with their own problems.
2. Anxiety:
Clinging, crying, whining, sleep problems are all indicators that your child may be affected by your stress. Nervous habits are also a fairly accurate indicator.
3. Withdrawal:
A child may show withdrawal symptoms by watching T.V. excessively, simply to avoid witnessing parental conflict. Dreading school is another sign.
4. Illness:
A child may report headaches, chest or stomach pains, for instance. This is often an indication that they maybe absorbing your stress.
Be aware of the individual circumstances which give rise to your own stress and anxiety. By doing so, you can certainly minimise the effects that these situations have on your kids.
