Advice for choosing a divorce mediator

What should you know about divorce mediation, and how can you choose a divorce mediator?

Today, many courts across the nation are turning to divorce mediators to try to help couples come to an agreement. Often, judges order couples to see a divorce mediator to try and settle issues out of court, therefore avoiding a hearing. Can this work? Obviously, it does work in some cases, but there are several issues that must be addressed in order for the end result to be satisfactory for all parties involved. What should you know about divorce mediation, and how can you choose a divorce mediator?

In many instances, the choice of which mediator to use isn’t left up to the divorcing couple. Instead, the judge may have a list of divorce mediators at hand, and he will assign a particular mediator according to a schedule he may have drawn up. Also, if you live in a small town, there may only be two or three mediators to choose from. Typically, a divorce mediator is an attorney, also. This may mean that there are actually at least three attorneys involved in your divorce case-your attorney, your spouse’s attorney, and the mediator.

One of the most important points to remember when choosing a divorce mediator, if you are given the option to choose, is that this attorney must be a neutral party. While it is unrealistic to expect the mediator to be unacquainted with one or both of the opposing attorneys, the mediator should not be an acquaintance of either of the spouses. If your presiding judge has appointed a mediator who is also an acquaintance of your spouse, you should immediately point this out to your attorney, so that he can apprise the judge of the situation. In order for the mediation to work successfully, the mediator should have no prior allegiance towards any party or towards either lawyer involved in the case.

Another important point to consider in choosing a divorce mediator is how much, if any, training she has had. Unfortunately, many lawyers decide to become mediators for additional income. However, they may be inexperienced in how to handle the actual mediations that are set forth. If you are presented with a list of mediators to choose from, you can and should ask to see the credentials that qualify them for the role of divorce mediator. You should also ask for the statistics involving the number of cases they have been involved in, including the success rates of those cases.

Keep in mind that on top of the additional lawyer fees you will be paying to your own attorney, you will also be paying the mediator. His fees will probably be based on an hourly rate, and the hours can add up quickly if a settlement between the parties cannot be reached. You should find out in advance what the divorce mediator charges per hour. More than likely, the presiding judge will order that the mediation fees be split between the divorcing couple.

If you feel at any time, that the mediation is at a standstill, and there is no chance for a settlement, you should be able to tell your attorney that you are ready for the mediating session to end. A drawn-out mediation that has no possibility of a solution will only raise the bill that you and your spouse will have to pay. Also, if you feel that the mediator is not acting in a completely neutral and business-like manner, you should inform your attorney that you wish to stop the mediation immediately. Be prepared, however, to voice your reasons and concerns to the judge. Divorce mediation can help couples find solutions and reach settlements, but couples should use caution when proceeding with a mediation.