Advice for men: is she ready for marriage?

You've found the perfect woman, the woman you've waited all of your life for. The next logical step is then to ask her to marry you. Before you take that last step into the unknown you might want to stop and ask yourself some pretty serious questions. Since every relationship is different, nobody can possibly tell you everything to consider. The most important question, however, may be whether or not she is ready for marriage.

A critical part of any relationship is learning to communicate. Understanding each other's wants and needs both in the present and the future is a necessity. If you have decided on a career in the Merchant Marines taking you away from home, and your lady is intent on raising a family together, this probably is something you'll want to work out. Finding out these things about each other is one of the ways you can decide for yourself whether a woman is ready for marriage, and possibly save what could be a very embarrassing moment.

Of course you could just simply ask her either directly or discreetly how she feels about marriage. Either way you might be surprised at her answer. She may have bad experiences with marriage in the past, which would prompt her to be completely negative about marriage, or she may have had wonderful loving parents and a great childhood, which may have given her a positive outlook on marriage. Whatever her answer may be, you will need to listen carefully not only to her words but to her attitude as well. You will have to decide for yourself what impact this will have on any future plans.

Are there "taboo" areas of your lady's life she refuses to discuss with you? Assuming we're not talking about a long prison term for abusing her last man, her reasons may or may not affect your eventual decision. All of us have some experience from a life before we met that we may not at first decide to discuss. Since good relationships are based on open and honest communication, any taboo areas should be resolved before entering into a permanent commitment.

As human beings we all tend to carry around experiences with us from previous relationships. A frequently used term for this is "baggage". Although not always negative, it's good to understand what kinds of relationships our prospective spouse has had in the past. If the woman you've set your romantic sights on is young, her experiences may have been with a boy in school who shunned her affections, or if older may be an ex-husband who abused her. Before anyone can move on to a better relationship, they must first deal with any previous baggage. This always takes each individual a certain amount of time, and cannot be rushed.

Gauging another person's maturity level can be very difficult and isn't always based on their age. We can't naturally assume that someone is mature simply because they've reached an arbitrary age. In some countries maturity may be based on age fifteen, while in others is not recognized until twenty-one. Maturity is always something to consider since it will affect your relationship, because one of the measures of maturity is the ability to accept responsibility. A marriage is not only a long-term commitment but also a big responsibility to each other.

In the end, the decision to marry, and whom we decide to spend the rest of our lives with is an individual decision. We can certainly decide to rush headlong into marriage with someone we barely know, but we must also be willing to accept the additional risks involved with that decision. The wise man will stop and give serious thought both to the timing of his proposal and to the person he is offering his life to.