Everyone makes mistakes in our relationships. Most of us apologize at one point or another over something that may be trivial or pivotal. But sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to be enough. Here are some creative ways to apologize more effectively.
1. Say it with flowers. Many people, especially women, enjoy the beauty and fragrance of fresh flowers. The next time you goof, order a bouquet from your florist or pick your own for the person you've wronged, and see if they don't speak volumes on your behalf. Roses are a nice choice, as are seasonal blossoms of many types. But your significant other may prefer a planter. If possible, find out before ordering.
2. Write from the heart. If emotions are too intense for a face-to-face apology, send a note, email, or letter. Write neatly, or if you type your message, use an attractive but readable font. Keep it short and sweet as well as sincere. Offer a simply-stated apology and let nature take its course. Avoid excuses, blame, or demands on the recipient.
3. Be poetic. For a more romantic or expressive approach, send a special card, singing telegram, or a personally written poem. You also might leave a thoughtful voice mail message when you know the person isn't around to pick up. (That way you can avoid direct contact.) Or send an audio or videocassette (or CD) of yourself apologizing or reciting a poem. Be sure to look or sound your best.
4. Buy a gift. In addition to the forenamed flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or clothing (depending on to whom you owe an apology) can help to pave the way back into the other person's affections. Gift certificates to restaurants, shops, theaters, or malls work well, too. Or buy two tickets to an upcoming show and invite the person as a follow-up to your apology.
5. Make an offer. Suggest doing something for the offended person by providing quality time. A cleaning chore, babysitting, or computer help (or whatever you may be good at) can emphasize your sincerity. Some people view talk as cheap, so putting legs to your words may make the right impression to smooth things between you once more.
6. Give it time. If the other person is too upset to listen to your apology, back off and let it rest for now. Continue to be pleasant to him or her, and watch your chance to express regret. But don’t rush it before the other person is ready.
7. Use an emissary. Sometimes a family member or a friend can serve as the go-between when two people aren't speaking or can't work out a problem. Choose someone who is calm, objective, and open to both points of view. You may even want to "script" your message so the "middle man" doesn't forget part or scramble it. The wronged person may appreciate your extra effort in recruiting a helper to untangle the issue.
The next time you become frustrated in trying to make an apology, consider one or more of the above. They just might open the door to reconciliation.
