Are you being psychologically abused?

While physical abuse is fairly obvious to most who witness the victim's bruises and injuries, psychological abuse may be invisible to the casual observer. That is because the wounds are internal, impressed forever on the victim's mind and spirit.

But there may be tell-tale signs. Someone who seems to be unusually dispirited, frequently depressed, or acting strangely may be a victim of psychological abuse. The problem stems from an authority figure in someone's life who tries to assert control by saying or doing things that hurt, belittle, or demean the person. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you fairly, maybe you are being psychologically abused. Here are some of the usual indicators:

1. You have little self-esteem. You may feel inferior to others or believe that people do not like or respect you. Perhaps you have an inferiority complex and experience feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or even suicide. While everyone feels such things occasionally, if they come often, you may be struggling with a problem relationship.

2. You do not maximize your assets. Looking your best is unimportant. You have neither the money nor the inclination to dress well or buy the little extras that puts you in an attractive light. Told that you have a nice sense of humor or a thoughtful attitude, you are not inspired to develop these characteristics because there seems no real reason to do so.

3. You are in a relationship with someone who has serious personal problems. That person may not be able to hold a job, may have a problem temper, or may be unable to handle finances responsibly. Perhaps this person goes out with others and leaves you home alone. Or you may become the butt of cruel jokes, comments, taunts, or threats. Perhaps you are physically attacked. You believe this person has power over you and avoid making waves in order to prevent a fight.

4. You accept your attacker's abuse. While you may argue or occasionally fight back, you remain in relationship with this person. Perhaps you feel trapped, with nowhere else to go. Or you may believe that the two of you love each other. Overall, you are committed to the person or to the relationship and are reluctant to break it off. Consciously or unconsciously, you believe many of your abuser's comments and complaints about you.

5. You feel helpless. Whether from emotional codependence, financial constraints, or physical entrapment, you are not able to change your life and stop the abuse. Perhaps the abuser controls all finances and has cut off contact with outsiders who might be able to intervene on your behalf. It may be that you cannot leave because of young children who are emotionally and financially dependent on your circumstances. Up to this point you may have felt such abuse was normal or common, but it isn't.

Whatever the reason you are in this negative relationship, get help. Visit a church pastor. Find a free counseling service or one with a sliding payment schedule. Go to a battered person's shelter, even if you are not physically abused, because you need time to reflect on your situation and figure out what to do next. Becoming the victim of psychological abuse is a destructive state of mind. Take steps to get help and prevent further damage.