A hundred years ago, most people held vigil over deceased relatives in the sanctity of their own homes. The body would be washed, clothed in a shroud, dressing gown, or church outfit, and laid out for visitors' viewing in a casket placed in the parlor. The pastor would lead a procession to the cemetery and pronounce a short service as the body was laid to rest. Then mourners would return to the home of the departed for a funeral meal.
Times have changed, and so have funeral customs. Today we transfer the care of our dearly departed ones to professional morticians, who embalm the body to preserve it, dress the deceased in public clothing, and touch up the body to make it appear more healthy and natural than might otherwise have been the case. What used to be called "funeral parlors" are now called "funeral homes" or "mortuaries," and it is here that we pay our last respects to those who leave this life before us.
If you are not sure which funeral home to choose, here are a few tips to help you find one:
1. Investigate local options. Ask for recommendations, as well as those to avoid, from coworkers and friends. Check the yellow pages for tasteful ads that feature the services you value, such as respect, dignity, and thoughtful care. Visit one or more funeral homes in your community before you need their services to unemotionally discuss and observe the company's approach to dealing with the dead. When the time comes, you will be in a better position to make a careful decision rather than having to choose at the last minute under emotional duress.
2. Examine the facility. Is the viewing room decorated in good taste? Will there be adequate room for a family member's relatives and friends? Does the building appear to be in good condition? If you notice torn wallpaper, door scratches, or unraveled carpet threads, these may give some indication of the owner's overall attitude toward the business and clients. Is the facility in a safe and attractive location? Will there be enough parking spaces? Will visitors be able to find it easily? Everything should be neat and clean to give the impression of caring about those who visit a loved one for the last time.
3. Talk with the manager or owner. Get a sense of the company's approach to final arrangements. Are your wishes accommodated? Do you feel respected and cared for? Or does the transaction come across as a hasty business deal to generate income? Will an employee be available day or night when a loved one passes away? How and when will the body be transported? What will the company need from you in terms of legal documentation?
4. Discuss arrangements up front. Explain ahead of time what you want and how much money you will have available. Find out which services are required (such as burial) and which are optional (like embalming), depending on your state's code and city ordinances. Inquire about the body's preparation, casket and vault costs, viewing hours, background music, pastoral services, and the cemetery procession. A graveside service that requires funeral home attendants to wait may cost extra. Determine a tentative price in advance and double-check it at the time that services are required.
No one relishes the idea of prearranging a funeral service. But it must be handled at some point with discretion and sensitivity. Take steps now to find out more about available funeral services in your area so you will be ready when the time comes.
