How to deal with your in-laws

If your in-laws love you, you've got it made, but if you're not their favorite person in the world, there could be arguments, resentments and even hatred. Often the relationship that you have with your in-laws directly affects the relationship that you have with your mate. Sometimes you have no idea why they don't like you. It could be that they think you're not good enough for their child or maybe you are of a different religion than them. No matter what the base of the animosity, there are ways that you can show your in-laws that you're willing to work on the relationship, if they are. Even if they're not willing, make an effort to get along with them out of respect for your mate. Analyze what you think the problem might be and work on ways to improve the way that they perceive you.

It will be easier to deal with your in-laws in general if you have a sense of humor. Insults roll off easier if you laugh them off. Don't take everything so seriously that your temper flares. This will only create more tension between you. Sometimes, although difficult, it's best to pretend that the rude comments made were not upsetting to you in the least. If the in-laws notice that they can't get an angry reaction from you, they might just ease up on the snide comments. Try smiling or even laughing aloud when they've said something hurtful. If nothing else, this at least prevents them from receiving the response for which they'd hoped.

Always offer your in-laws respect. Even though they might not be courteous to you, it's imperative that you not give them more reason to dislike you. Communicate in a friendly way with your in-laws, when possible. If you have been pushed to the point of speaking out, state your complaints properly. Do not yell, insult or use foul language with your in-laws. Speak frankly and explain why you think they are being unfair to you and what you think should be done to resolve the matter. Try also explaining to them that their actions are affecting not only you, but their son or daughter, not to mention any children involved. If they realize that they are hurting their own child, they might bite their tongue more often. If children are involved, never talk about your in-laws in a negative way when they are within earshot. Children often repeat what they hear and you'll earn no points with the in-laws if the kids repeat malicious comments you've made.

If you have to go to your in-laws but would like the visit to be limited in time, devise a secret word or phrase that you can implement when you feel as though you've had enough. Decide on this code before going to the in-laws and agree that once you've spoken the secret phrase, it's time to go. Change the code from time to time, so they don't catch on.

Never try to keep your spouse or children from associating with your in-laws; it will only cause more hostility. If you feel like you just cannot be around them, let the family go without you. It's best though, if you try to continue having a relationship with the in-laws, even if it's not a good one. One day things might change and they could even begin to accept you, once they see you are not going away.

Kill them with kindness. Endear yourself to your in-laws by offering to help them out around their house on occasion. Give them attention when they are sick. Volunteer to keep the maintenance up on the house while they go on vacation. Don't get discouraged if they reject your offers time and time again. Eventually an occasion might present itself to where they have no where else to turn, and there you'll be. Realize that you can't change them, but you can change your attitude towards them. Think of their ways as different, not wrong. This might help you to forgive and forget and move towards a closer relationship with them. In time, you could actually begin to like each other.