An introduction to dining etiquette

A general knowledge and use of basic etiquette makes the dining experience more pleasant for everyone. The rules of etiquette have been set up for a reason - to give people a guideline for behaving in a manner that will make those around you comfortable. A command of basic table manners and dining etiquette is especially useful for dinner meetings, an evening in an exclusive restaurant, and at formal affairs. Acquaint yourself with the following guidelines and dine with confidence.

Taking your seat:

If you are at a party or any other event that is hosted, you must remember to follow your host. The host will lead the dinner. He or she is the first person to sit, to begin eating, and to leave the table. However, sometimes your host will urge his guests to sit and begin eating before he himself does.

If you are at an un-hosted event, it is polite for a man to offer his female companion a seat before seating himself. It was once compulsory for men to stand when a woman rises to leave the table, but this practice is becoming outmoded and is no longer necessary.

Sit up relatively straight in your chair; do not hunch forward, and do not slouch back. Refrain from resting your elbows on the table. Place your napkin in your lap. Do not ever flick your napkin open with a flourish or tuck your napkin into your shirt collar. If the napkin is large, leave it folded in half with the crease facing you. You should not take a drink or begin to eat before you have placed your napkin in your lap.

Place Settings:

Unless you plan on hosting a formal event yourself, it is not necessary to memorize the rules for a formal place setting. However, it is helpful to have a general knowledge of the placement of dishes, cups and utensils so that you always know what pieces are yours. Your main dish will be directly in front of you, central to your body. All of your drinks will be to the upper right hand corner of your plate and your bread plate will be at your left. Your forks will be located to the left of your plate. Your knife is directly right of your plate with the blade facing inwards, followed by your spoons. Most often only a soup spoon will be set. When choosing which utensil to use for which course, you should start with the outermost utensil and move inwards. Sometimes the dessert utensils will be placed horizontally just north of your plate, but it is becoming more common for them to be brought out with the dessert when needed.

Bread:

It is improper to cut yourself a slice of bread with a knife. Instead, you should tear off a slice with your hands. Take only one roll or slice at a time. If you would like butter with your bread, it is polite to take some and place the pat onto your bread plate so that you have your own personal reserve of butter. Avoid buttering your bread directly from the shared butter dish. You should not butter your entire slice of bread straight away, rather tear off enough bread for a bite or two and butter only this small bit. A warm roll, however, can be ripped in half lengthwise and you can place a pat inside the roll to let it melt.

Soup:

Do not overload your soup spoon. It is advisable to fill your spoon only three-fourths full so as to avoid dribbling soup on yourself. Your hand should scoop the soup away from your body and then rise to your lips. As with any food, do not bend over your bowl. Instead, sit up properly and bring your spoon to your lips and sip quietly from the side of the spoon. It is sometimes difficult to get the last few bites of soup out of the bowl without tipping it. If you must tip your bowl, angle it away from yourself.

Passing:

If you are asked to pass a dish, you should pass to your right. It is acceptable to pass to the person directly to your left if they ask you to. Do not serve yourself first. When another diner asks for an item to be passed only the person nearest the desired item should reach for it. Remember, salt and pepper are always passed together, even if only one was requested. If you need an item from the table that is not closest to you, ask for another diner to pass it to you rather than reaching across the table.

Handling Utensils:

In America, you have two choices on how to handle your utensils, the American Style and the European Style. Both are considered proper so use which ever method is comfortable for you.

The American style is also referred to as the Zig-zag style because your fork is shuffled between your left and right hands. To cut a piece of food, pick up your fork with your left hand and your knife with your right. The tines of your fork should be facing downwards to pierce the food and you should use your knife to gently slice off a manageable bite. Then, place your knife down on your plate and switch your fork to your right hand before bringing the bite to your mouth. Remember to cut yourself only one bite at a time.

The European method is less complicated as the fork stays in the left hand and the knife in the right. To cut off a bite, take your fork in your left hand, tines down, and your knife in your right. Cut off a morsel and raise the fork directly to your mouth. Do not switch hands and do not put the knife down. The knife is held throughout the meal and is used not only to cut off bites, but to help shift tricky foods such as corn kernels onto the fork.

When you must put down a utensil, do so onto your plate. It is important not to place a dirty utensil onto the table as to avoid soiling the tablecloth. The position of your resting flatware is also important. If you are simply pausing momentarily to take a drink or to join the conversation, place your utensils gently onto the sides of your plate. If you are taking a larger break but intend to continue eating, place your knife to the right and your fork to the left so that they cross, forming an X on your plate. Once you have finished your meal, place both your knife and fork parallel to each other and angled across your plate diagonally with the handles pointing to the right. The blade of the knife should be facing you and not other diners.

Finger foods:

Certain foods are better suited to eating with your fingers. If you are ever in doubt, however, it is wise to use your fork. Most fast-foods are designed to be eaten with your fingers including, pizza, french fries, hamburgers, sandwiches, and fried chicken. Use your fingers for hors d’oeuvres and crudités including olives and pickles. Smaller fruits, especially those with stems like grapes and berries, are more easily eaten with your fingers. If bacon is crispy, using a fork will most likely cause it to crumble so most diners find it easier to use their fingers. Certain vegetables are commonly eaten with fingers such as, artichokes, asparagus, and corn on the cob.

Ending the meal:

When you have finished your meal, do not push your plate away. Set your utensils in the proper position to signal that your dish is ready to be removed from the table. Remove the napkin from your lap and place it to the side of your dish neatly, but not folded. Do not hang your napkin from the back of your chair or leave it in your seat.

Basic Table Manners:

• Always chew with your mouth closed.

• Do not talk with your mouth full.

• Take small manageable bites and pace yourself.

• Keep the conversation at a reasonable volume and on non-controversial subjects.

• Chat with the other diners, but do not dominate the entire conversation.

• If you must leave the table, be sure to excuse yourself.

• Ladies should not place their purse on the table.

• Never pick your teeth at the table.

• Wait until after you have tasted your food before seasoning it.

• Do not spit food out into your napkin.

• If you must remove something inedible from your mouth, it should be removed in the same manner that it was put in and placed on the side of your plate.

The rules of etiquette can seem overwhelming, but a general knowledge of how to behave can help you feel more confident in a formal setting. If you should forget what to do in a dining situation, do not panic. Observe the other diners and take their lead or use your common sense.