How to prepare for divorce

Divorce rates continue to grow worldwide. The United States has the highest rate of divorce, with Puerto Rico, Russia, and the United Kingdom following close behind. So it doesn’t matter where you live, divorce happens. Divorce is a life altering experience but it doesn’t have to be devastating if you plan ahead.

Accept that life is going to change in a big way. Whether you are the one filing or not, divorce is an emotional blow. Know that divorce doesn’t make you a bad person or a lousy parent. It means that you no are no longer compatible, for whatever reason, with the person you married.

If there are children involved, don’t tell them your plans until they happen. Kids can’t keep secrets from anyone, they shouldn’t keep secrets from a parent, and the kids don’t need to know your plans, anyway. This is grown-up business. It doesn’t become your children’s concern until it takes place. Then, explain it to them in a way that is age appropriate. Emphasize the fact that they had nothing to do with the divorce, they didn’t cause it, that Mom and Dad both still love them very much, and if Dad (or Mom) is going to be living away, he’s still Dad and will be there when he needs to be.

Before you make any official moves, know your financial picture. Money is always a major factor in divorce and it can effect your quality of life in the future. This applies to both genders. Women tend to have a lower quality of life after divorce, but many men have financial challenges, too. So this is intended to speak to both. The ideal is a friendly divorce, where all things are equal. In truth, friendly divorce is an oxymoron; there is no such thing. So here are some things you’ll want to do ahead of time, when you’re still in the “to divorce or not to divorce” stage. Don’t think of this as being sneaky; it’s the intelligent thing to do. And your spouse might be doing the same.

Open a separate bank account, in your name only.

Put away whatever money you can. It may be needed in the future for attorney fees and living expenses.

Make copies of tax returns for the last three years.

If there are stocks, bonds, or other investments you’ll need copies of all of them.

Copy savings and checking account statements.

Learn about your spouse’s retirement funds, pensions, and IRA’s. If there are records, copy them.

If you own a home, copy all documents relating to it and any other real estate you own.

Copy any life insurance policies and wills.

If there is a business involved, copy all tax returns for the past three years. If a business is owned solely by your spouse, do the same.

Make an inventory of valuable items, such as works of art, antiques, boats, or firearms. Better yet, inventory everything you own, including the contents of any safe deposit boxes.

Take care of things that might cause a financial hardship later, like car repairs or dental work. Once the divorce is final, you’re no longer on you’re ex-spouse’s insurance plan.

If there is a joint savings account and you believe that your spouse will drain it if you file for divorce, take half and put it in your new account. Do not take all of it. You are only entitled to half. If this is questioned later, and it probably will be, you will have taken no more than you are entitled to.

You might consider a safe deposit box in your name only as a place to keep all those document copies you just made.

Here are a few things not to do:

Do not incur any new debt.

Do not sign any new contacts.

Don’t try to hide any assets. If you think your spouse is hiding assets, start paying more attention to mail, emails, and phone calls. Make notes in a notebook that you keep in a secret place.

In the period when you’re considering divorce, should you inherit money, keep it in your own personal account.

Don’t quit your job.

This is not legal advice. These are suggestions to help you plan for your future. Divorce laws are different in each state and country. We all agree that property should be divided equally, but it doesn’t always happen. Protect yourself. And know that if you decide to divorce, you’re life isn’t over. It’s just on a new path.