Life after divorce: are you ready to date again?

Each divorcee has their own timeline for socializing, dating, even marrying again, and this is different for each person. If you've been through a divorce, but it was somewhat friendly, you could be ready to begin dating almost immediately after the final decree. If you and your mate put off the divorce for whatever reason, and now the divorce is final, you are probably anxious to get back into the social scene. If you feel as though you no longer carry a torch for the previous mate, it's likely that you're ready for dating.

If the divorce was traumatizing, however, it could be months or even years before you'll try dating again. If the relationship was broken because your mate left you for someone else, there are several stages that you must go through before you are ready to try bonding with another.

First, there is usually tremendous anger or even hatred towards the ex. Often the scorned will dwell on the injustice or humility of it all and sometimes even plan vindictive ways to get even. This is, hopefully, a passing phase, since acting on these feelings will only cause more pain and heartache for those involved and is completely unproductive. When the feelings of anger seem to ease somewhat, there is often a time of grieving. After spending a great deal of time with your former lover, it might seem as though the person has died. It is natural to grieve for something that you once loved when it is lost or taken from you. Although you might feel like this heavy heart will never leave you, eventually it will. Ultimately you will begin to feel as though you are starting to heal and recover from the pain of the divorce. At this time, you can begin to take stock of yourself, your life, and your future.

Ask yourself these questions about previous relationships:

Was I a good friend to my mate?

Was I there for my mate when they most needed me?

Was I selfish? Did I think of myself before I thought of my mate?

Was I a good listener?

Did I share equally the responsibilities of the home, kids, income?

Was I honest with my mate and myself?

Did I give more to others than I did to my mate?

Did I give my mate love, loyalty and trust?

Be honest with yourself when evaluating these questions and think of ways to improve yourself for future relationships. If you don't, you might find yourself in the same boat again. Sometimes we enter new friendships with our old ways and the new relationship is set to fail.

If you still find yourself daydreaming about your ex and thinking of ways to get back together, you are definitely not ready to invite another person into your life. Likewise, if you still have trust issues from your previous break up, deal with these concerns before dating again, or you'll find yourself inflicting these feelings on someone innocent. If there were other problems in the relationship, such as jealousy, sexual conflicts or abuse, you might want to seek professional assistance in helping you deal with these matters.

Often after divorce, something inside of you just shuns away when any type of new relationship begins to evolve. This is usually a sign that you still are not yet ready to date. When you least expect it though, you might just happen to meet someone who stirs something in your heart. When this happens, go forward slowly, one step at a time. Keep in mind during the getting-to-know-you period that you must be honest, trusting and most of all, ready, for a relationship before it can turn to love. It is possible to have a successful relationship even after a failed one, but previous resentments must be left behind before beginning to date again.