Emotional tips following a divorce

While a few couples may feel exuberant following a divorce, most experience a series of complex emotions that can be hard to handle. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, frustration, and worry are some of the feelings that many ex-spouses grapple to master in the months following the breakdown of their marriage.

If you are struggling with a roller coaster ride of uncertainty, here are a few suggestions that may help:

1. See about getting a medical examination unless you have had one recently. While an annual exam is a good idea under any circumstances, following a divorce is an especially good time to get checked for physical conditions that can run amok following the stress of a marital meltdown. These might include blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, thyroid, and other areas of bodily performance. One or more of these that are not functioning properly can impact your emotions, so ask your doctor if this might be the case. He or she can then prescribe treatment if needed.

2. Journal about your negative feelings. Research shows that writing about unhappy circumstances two or three times a week can help the writer feel more in control of the situation and sometimes lead to exploring possible solutions for dealing with them. A journal, or diary, also provides a written record of stressful events. Later, you can look back to see how you coped and perhaps apply similar strategies to future stressors.

3. Get a support group. Meet with friends and family members and get involved with social activities to share difficulties and successes. A recent study indicated that people who have six or more social contacts per month tend to be happier and healthier than those who have fewer or none. Social relations are acknowledged to prolong life as well.

4. Help others. Volunteering monthly or more often can promote a sense of well being and take your mind off troubles when you give something to those in need. You also may be able to learn new skills, such as interviewing or organizing activities, which will expand opportunities for future service or job options. Everyone feels better after helping someone in need.

5. Take a class. Learning something new can replenish a sense of accomplishment and rebuild self-confidence. Plus, enrolling in a course with other people can lead to new contacts and friendships, replacing negative disappointment with positive hopes.

6. Try alternative therapies. Listening to peaceful music or lighting scented candles as well as driving through a lovely landscape can be soothing and relieve your mind of conflicting emotions. Some people try yoga or meditation while others listen to relaxation tapes featuring nature or animal sounds.

If these do not provide relief, you may want to make an appointment with a marriage or family counselor to discuss your feelings. A competent, licensed therapist not only is a good, objective listener, but can offer helpful strategies for coping with the frustrations of a failed marriage. Don't give in to stress and depression. Take a proactive stance to defeat these enemies before they defeat you.