Any healthy relationship will be challenged by disagreements at some point, but there is no reason for arguments to ruin a marriage. If you have ever felt like you shouldn’t nitpick on your husband for fear of ruining your marriage, you are not alone, but there is a difference between being a nag and being a healthy individual in your own right who has needs and desires to be met.
Men and women communicate in different ways, which can easily lead to misunderstandings. Knowing that it is normal to face problems in your marriage should help you to not be fearful when difficult situations arise. Talk to your friends if you question whether other couples argue and you will find, if they are being truthful, that all couples quarrel now and then. Find out how your couple friends handle fights and deal with not sabotaging their marriage.
A strongly committed couple facing a fight will know they’ll get through it somehow. When there is no fear of an argument finishing in the end of the relationship, both spouses will feel more comfortable in really opening up and expressing their true feelings. Nothing hurts a marriage more than holding back how one truly feels and thinks.
Fighting can ruin a marriage when a couple resorts to name calling and blaming each other. To prevent this from happening, draw up a set of rules to follow during arguments that takes into consideration each spouse’s sensitive points. For example, if you know that your husband reacts badly when you mention how lazy he is, you can promise not to attack him with this accusation, even if it’s true. Instead, try pointing out specifically the behavior you don’t like.
Whenever possible, use “I” feeling statements as opposed to “you” statements. If your husband feels like you don’t pay enough attention to him, he might coach him to say, “I feel hurt when I come home from work and the house is empty.” This method keeps each person in touch with the real feelings involved as opposed to playing the blame game.
The longer you wait to bring up something that you’re upset about, the more likely the situation will worsen. It is best to express your anger over an issue as soon as you can do so in a levelheaded way. This expedient method helps to prevent you from forgetting what you were upset about in the first place.
Try not to compare your spouse to other past relationships. This is inconsiderate and inappropriate and will only result in putting your husband on the defensive. Think about how you would feel if your mate kept bringing up his exes and how they did things. Be respectful and hopefully, your husband will act in the same way towards you.
Even when it feels like you are one hundred percent correct in a situation, there is always some percentage of responsibility that falls upon you. It takes two to tango. Owning up to what your part is in a fight may help your husband to claim his fair share of responsibility.
Of course, if your husband is in anyway using physical abuse you must realize that you are not to blame in any way and you need to remove yourself and your children from the situation immediately. If you feel that you are in immediate physical danger, contact your local emergency help.
If you try all the methods you know how and you still feel like your arguments with your spouse are not being resolved, it may be time to consider including a third party for your disputes. See if your husband and you can agree on a neutral friend to coach you through a particularly difficult disagreement. Also check out the many free or inexpensive professional services available in communities, including family and couples therapy.
Marital fighting is a natural and healthy experience for most couples. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your relationship. Discuss openly your feelings and thoughts with your spouse and then seek outside help if and when you feel there is a need for it to save your marriage.
