Having a first date in getting to know someone can be awkward as we struggle to overcome shyness and find interesting things to talk about. Often we rely on conversational fillers to keep the verbal exchange going during a lull. But bringing up the wrong subject can drive someone away for good. Here are a few ideas about first-date topics to avoid:
1. Money. In general, don't bring up the subject of income or discuss generally about bills, payments, expenses, fees, or a budget. While there may be exceptions when such topics fit naturally into the conversation, they are not traditionally considered to be polite inquiries. Other number-related questions, such as age, weight, or number of years at a given occupation, may be best left in the dark at first. In time all such information (or most) will come out of the closet.
2. Past relationships. Marriages, divorces, child support, deaths, engagements, romances, and other kinds of personal relationships should not be brought up unless the other person chooses to do so. Revealing too much of a person's past may lead to a feeling of discomfort and perhaps the desire to avoid contact for awhile with someone to whom we have been transparent with intimate issues. General inquiries are probably acceptable to most people, as long as they don't start to feel as though they are being interviewed for a possible starring role in your next romantic production.
3. Politics and current events. Ironically, you will probably want to tap the surface of these areas. But avoid probing too deeply on a first date. Doing so may put you at odds with one another and preclude the potential for continuing the relationship. In conjunction with this approach, don't tear down views that oppose yours until you know where your new acquaintance stands. A simple give-and-take approach to sharing news stories and basic information may be enough to get both of you started on the road to mutual understanding. A tone of voice, facial expression, or gesture related to even a general comment on a topic will give you a hint of the person's views.
4. Family relations. Asking where someone was born or raised or the number of siblings in the family is fine. But don't pry into more personal details like how long the parents were married before children came along or whether your date gets along with the parents. Such questions may lead into sensitive territory that is better left for another day.
5. Personal details. Don't ask too many questions about where the person lives or the length of time spent at the current job. Getting personal with someone you barely know can be perceived as breaching boundaries, meaning you may not get a second date. Likewise, keep your personal information under wraps until you know a bit more about your new acquaintance and his or her trustworthiness.
Getting to know someone on a date requires patience and finesse. Observing propriety sets you apart as having class. While there are always exceptions for every rule, be careful about making those until you know your new friend a little better.
