Spiritual health: how to achieve balance in your life

Feeling stressed out? Do you feel like you just have too many balls in the air and if you lose focus for just one second, one of them will drop?

These sorts of feelings are incredibly normal in this fast-paced world, where work, family, friends and other social groups constantly press on us, demanding more of our time, energy and focus.

If you’re feeling out of balance, out of control, you need to stop, analyze the problem and determine what you can do to fix it. Living under the constant stress of an unbalanced life not only makes you feel stressed out, angry and unhappy, it can manifest in real physical problems and illness. There is nothing more important that you can do for yourself than seek balance in your life.

So what is balance and how do you get some? Think of balance as all parts of your life working together in harmony as much as you are able to control them. You are in balance when you feel good physically, mentally and spiritually, you feel like you are doing something valuable with your life and are in control of situations.

All of this might sound impossible. You may be thinking: "I can’t just quit my job, get a divorce, leave the country, hire a personal trainer and start my life over." That’s true, and that’s why the important thing is to focus on what you can control. Let’s take a look at a few aspects of life that may feel beyond your control but you can really deal with.

First, let’s consider the physical aspects of life. How is your diet? Do you eat the right things, cook at home often and follow or sensible eating plan? Or is your life filled with junk food and take-out, your plates never leave the cabinet and you eat to excess? It’s probably pretty easy to see which side of the spectrum you are on and which side you should be on. Perhaps you’re not at one extreme or the other; maybe you try to eat right but have a weakness for chocolate instead of fruit. Be mindful of where you are. It might be helpful to write things down as you work through these questions so you can get a clear idea of where you are and where you would like to be.

Perhaps you need to lose weight, or maybe you just need to eat a little healthier and make an effort to eat at home more often. Whatever your goal, state it in writing or out loud. When you have a firm idea in mind of where you would like to be, then it’s easier to set concrete, reasonable goals to lead you to that place. (Of course if you are obese or have other serious health problems, any such goal setting should be undertaken with the help of a physician.)

As an example, let’s say you feel pretty good about your eating habits but are a little overweight and would like to make an effort to eat healthier. Some steps along this path might include buying more fruit and skipping the snack aisle the next time you go to the market (and taking fruit instead of spare change to the office so you have no choice but to snack on healthy things), buying a new cookbook and staying in one more night a week to cook something healthy, and generally just being more mindful of what you eat and trying to do better. These small steps will get you to the bigger goal.

Of course the other aspect of physical balance that cannot be ignored is exercise. When was the last time you went for a walk, played a sport or did something that really got your heart pumping (other than that time you tried to walk up the office stairs)? Exercise is one of the best things you can do when you’re feeling out of balance because it helps relieve stress and makes you feel better about yourself, as well as making you healthier, which makes you better able to deal with stress in the first place. You don’t have to join a fancy health club or spend hours working at something you hate. Take your (or a friend’s) dog for a walk, or their kids to the playground. Go swimming, challenge a friend to a game of basketball or take a yoga class (which will teach you many other meanings of the word "balance"). The more you move, the better you will feel. In time when you start feeling stressed you’ll crave a jog instead of a candy bar or cigarette. (Again, don’t start a major exercise program, especially if you have health problems, without consulting your doctor.)

Now that we have the physical aspects of our life in order, let’s look at the mental/emotional parts. This gets a little more tricky. Happiness and contentedness are very fluid; you could love your job one day and be ready to quit the next, for instance. There’s often not much you can do about a job that doesn’t challenge you or a relationship (with family members other than your spouse) that frustrates you. Again, focus on what you can control. Do you set goals for yourself? Are you learning new things or taking up new hobbies? Or have you been stalled for years, using all your free time to numb out in front of the television?

Minds need to be stimulated. Education need not end just because you’ve left school. Think about something that has always interested you and go to the library and see if you can find a book to read on the subject. The Internet, too, is a wonderful source of information and educational opportunities to explore. Perhaps this little push will get you started on a new pastime or even a new career.

Maybe your problem isn’t an unstimulated mind but an overstimulated one. You find you’re always busy with committee meetings, carpools, helping at the church and generally saying yes to a seemingly endless string of needy people. Your problem is a little more difficult to solve because you must learn to say no. Each time you take on a new commitment you take time away from other things, so you must consider each request carefully. This is why it is important to set goals and priorities. If your goal is to get a job with a nonprofit organization, then by all means volunteer regularly. But if you really want to focus on your family and your kids are too young to work in the soup kitchen, find something else to do. It will be hard to say no to people in the beginning, but if you remember that your life and time are your own and you must spend them in the way that is best for you, it will get easier.

The final aspect of life that you can control that will help you feel more in balance is your spiritual side. This is not a discussion of religion, though if you go to church or want to explore that option it can be very comforting and helpful to some people. But spirituality goes much further than organized religion. It has to do with feeling a sense of peace about things, a comforting notion that there is some order to the universe and you have a place in it.

If you’d like to explore this aspect of your life, consider hunting for spaces that are sacred to you. This could be a church, cemetery, park, library, any place you feel yourself calming down and can soak in the peaceful quietness. You might also want to look into meditation or simply giving yourself time and space to sit and enjoy the quietness of the world around you. (If there is no quiet place in your life, perhaps you can barter with a family member or friend to take your children for a couple of hours so you can have some time alone to explore these issues.) This isn’t necessarily going to become a part of your life every day, but it is an aspect that needs to be considered. And if you are interested in learning about other religions than the one in which you were raised, you should explore that during your quiet time as well.

Life is a process. In the same way, trying to find balance in your life is a process. Not every technique will work for you, but if you look at these parts of your life you will likely find something that is lacking, something that you would like to change. If you take the time and effort to work on controlling the things you can control, you will find your life falling into balance, which can even affect those things you don’t have control over.