My massage therapist squeezed the rigid muscles of my shoulders in a Friday session that ended a particularly hectic week. “I know I’m extra tense,” I said. “And really, I don’t know why. I’ve been working so hard at relaxing.”
Though he tried to muffle it, I heard the laughter in my therapist’s voice when he replied, “Did you hear what you said? Working? At relaxing? Really, can’t you see the problem?”
O.K. maybe I can, but I know I’m not the only American with this issue. Like many adults, I recognize stress in my life and have studied and practiced a variety of remedies. I even teach others to manage stress and still, the personal tendency to fall back on old, natural biological patterns of “fight or flight” is strong and hard to break sometimes. How can we cope with stress that, like the Energizer Bunny, just keeps coming back?
Step One: Accept and Re-interpret.
The worst thing we can do when we realize that we are tense, agitated, and stressed is to kick ourselves for being so! Accept that you are human, and that you (oops!) allowed yourself to get pinged again. Then try to let it go by changing your attitude. Did you know that our perception of events is actually one of the primary causes of stress? It is. An example of this is an employer who issues a statement in a gruff voice to two employees. One of the employees interprets the boss’s words as insulting, and her face immediately gets red with anger. The other realizes that the supervisor is having a hard day, and doesn’t mean to inflict judgment. She feels a little sad for the boss, but her energy level stays high as she returns to her job.
Try re-interpreting the cause of your immediate stress, and see if you can develop a lighter attitude that allows that clenched jaw and tight neck to relax. If you are stuck in traffic and in a hurry, remember that God works in mysterious ways. Maybe you are being given an opportunity of some sort. See if you can find it and take back your power from the thing that is stressing you.
Step Two: A Daily Prevention Pill
Before tomorrow starts, go ahead and set a course for a stress-free day with visualization. This is just a fancy word for imagination, so don’t be put off by it. Your imagination may work more via thoughts than visions, and that is just fine. What is important about using it though is that the chemicals in our bodies do not know the difference between things that we “just imagine” and things that really happen. This is why athletes often visualize themselves winning or crossing the goal line as a part of practicing their sports. Their sinews and muscles actually simulate the necessary movements on a cellular level while they are visualizing, so that when the real event happens, their bodies are prepped for success!
You can do the same thing. Just begin each day with this simple vision: imagine yourself coming home or ending your day and feeling a sense of peace and happiness. In your own way, picture what you might say or do at the end of a perfect day. Would you kiss the dog? Take a walk? Maybe just melt onto the couch and say a little prayer of thanks? Whatever it is that you do when you are feeling grand, imagine that as your daily goal.
This one activity is as powerful as it is simple if you practice it everyday. It will help to stimulate your mind to dwell on more positive choices and ideas.
Step Three: Strengthen Your Anti-stress Plan
The only way to successfully manage the big stresses of our lives is to develop coping skills and a balanced lifestyle. That means eating healthy, getting enough of the right kind of activity, rest and exercise, and surrounding ourselves with relationships and activities that support our blooming, rather than our deflating.
While that sounds nice, it just is not that easy to create if you are deeply entrenched in a dead-end job, a no-win relationship, poor health habits, or limited money or energy. Take heart by realizing that your stress-prison was did not form overnight. Restructuring your life may not happen as fast as you would like, but it can and will happen.
The most important way to stay on top of stress is to identify your biggest stressors, and to make concrete, realistic plans to change them. Whether your stress stems from poor health, love, job or career, you do not have to go it alone, either. Enlist the support of trusted friends or advisors. Take classes to learn the skills you need to restructure your stressors, whether that means learning to manage money or learning to breathe and stretch to induce relaxation.
Try to make your anti-stress plan as fun as possible, and remember, the goal you are seeking is ultimately a long term one: to live a full, lengthy and happier life.
