Parenting tips: how to help your daughter after she gets a divorce

As a parent one of the hardest things to do is to watch your child suffer from pain. We often feel helpless and wonder what we can do to make things easier for them. When you find out that your daughter's marriage has fallen apart, you wish to do all you can to help her with the transition into a new life.

Something to remember is that your daughter may be feeling a huge sense of loss and failure. She may feel that she has let you down. If she has children she may be feeling guilty over the pain they are experiencing.

When you talk to her, offer to listen without judgment. Just let her know that if she wants to talk to you, you are there for her whenever she needs you. Refrain from making negative statements about her soon to be ex-husband. She may see this as an attack, even though they are divorcing. Let her know you will not question her or try to "fix" things for her.

Do what you can to not become personally involved in the divorce proceedings. Offer to help her with legal resources or counseling if she would like you too, but remain unemotional about it. When children are involved, stay out of custody issues. You may be wondering about your own time with your grandchildren but try to let them work it out for themselves.

Depending on the circumstances of the divorce, she may need to stay with you until she can get on her feet. Make sure you discuss things in detail before she arrives. If there are children, discuss what you can and cannot do to help her in regards to their care. She may be looking for work. It is up to you if you can supply childcare for her. If you can't, offer to help her find someone or somewhere suitable for them go while she is out of the house.

Set up rules about visitors and what you expect for her to contribute to the household. If you wish her to help with the household chores, this may help her keep a sense of self worth about herself.

As well as establishing your guidelines, let her come up with her own. It is tempting to revert to the parent child relationship once your daughter is back under your roof. Keep in mind that she is an adult and will need her privacy. She needs to feel that she can still care for herself and that she deserves respect.

Offering financial help is a personal decision. This will largely depend on your own financial situation. Some parents simply cannot afford to offer much help. If you can offer her support in this manner, your best bet is to offer her a loan to get on her feet again. Make sure you specify if it is a loan or a gift so there is no confusion on the matter at a later time.

Something you can do for you daughter as time goes on is come up with new family traditions to replace those she may have lost when divorcing. This will help her feel more stable and more loved. Make an effort to spend some time with her, even if she acts as if it is not necessary. Keep the positives of her life on her mind as best you can and remind her that she will be fine.

The most important thing to offer is your love and unconditional support. Even though she is not a little girl anymore, love her as if she were. When she was young, your love helped her spread her wings and fly. It will have the same effect now. Your love and time are the best things to give her to let her know that her life will go on, and that she will be happy again.