DRESS THE PART
What we wear and how we look can definitely have an affect on our moods. When you go shopping for clothing and accessories, try on different types of outfits and take a good look at yourself in the dressing room mirror. Are there any garments that give your mood a boost by making you feel particularly confident or bold? These are the things you might consider getting to wear to any social occasions.
PRACTICE MAKING EYE CONTACT
One of the biggest problems of shy people is averting their eyes away from other people. Eye contact is a form of non-verbal communication. Good eye contact shows that you are interested in a person and what they have to say. If you constantly break eye contact to look down at the floor or glance at the wall, the person you are with may interpret that to mean your are bored, uninterested in them or otherwise occupied.
Practice making eye contact with strangers when you are at work, or go to the grocery store and meet new people. It may be difficult at first, but the more you practice, the longer and more frequently you will be able to do it.
WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE
Besides eye contact, other non-verbal forms of communication can make you seem disinterested, annoyed, tired, withdrawn, or even snobby. If a person doesn’t know you are shy, they may interpret your body language to mean these things. Some key postures are when you turn your body away from someone, hang back, fold your arms, and keep your head down.
Try to be aware of your body language. When you are meeting someone, try to keep your head up, make some eye contact, and face them. You don’t have to come close enough to bump into a person, but when they are talking to you in a friendly manner, don’t hang back or move away every time they move closer. Keep your arms at your side and try not to fidget. And don’t forget to smile. A smile can go a long way in showing someone that you are happy to be with them and enjoying their company. Maintaining open, friendly body language will show people you are open to them, even if you don’t have a lot to say.
FIND OTHER LONERS
If you find yourself in a place where there are a lot of other people socializing, look around the room for other people who are alone or hanging back quietly. Chances are, they are shy too, and wishing someone would come up and talk to them. Knowing how they feel from first-hand experience, it might be easier for your to approach these people, rather than trying to join in with other people who are already talking.
Make your way over to these other loners, sit next to them, try to give them a smile and say, “hi.” You might find yourself bold enough to introduce yourself or begin a conversation if you know that you are both feeling similarly out of place.
ASK QUESTIONS
The best way to get a conversation going without putting too much pressure on yourself to talk is to begin asking questions. Most people love to talk about themselves, or help out others if they can. By asking questions, you show other people you are interested in them and open the floor for them to lead the conversation.
Try to ask open-ended questions, rather than things that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Some great conversation starters are:
What do you do for a living?
What are you studying?
How are you enjoying your vacation?
Where are you from? What is it like growing up there?
SEEK OUT SMALL GROUPS
If you have particular hobbies or skills, you may want to seek out groups of other people who have the same interests. It can be easier to open up when the meeting revolves around something you enjoy, and you know everyone there enjoys it too. If you like to read, join a book club at your local library. If you are a scrapbooking enthusiast, go to a crop where uncomfortable silences can be filled by working on your latest layout. If you are athletic, you might consider joining a basket ball at your local community center. If you are a parent, join the PTA. Even just volunteering for a worthy cause will bring you together with other people who have the same concerns, and in working together towards the same goals you will find a bonding taking place. As you grow more comfortable with those around you, you will begin to loosen up and participate.
ASK FOR INTRODUCTIONS
Your friends and family members probably know that you are shy. Let them know it can be a great help to you if at social gatherings they can introduce you to people and get a conversation going in order to break the ice. It can be much more difficult to strike up a conversation with a stranger by yourself than to lead into one in the presence of someone with whom you are already comfortable.
