Practical paganism: how to behave at a pagan gathering

Whether you are a new Pagan, a long-time solitary practitioner, or just someone who is curious about the religion and planning on attending an open ritual, you will want to be a polite guest. If you hope to be welcome in the future, there are some things you should know to start you off on the right foot.

NEVER BE LATE

Pagans have a joke that their rituals run on PST (Pagan Standard Time), and many large groups are notorious for their rituals getting off to a late start. Nevertheless, you should make a point to be on time. Pagan rituals often begin with the cleansing or anointing of participants as they walk in, the casting of a circle or erection of sacred space. If you are late and you miss this, your entrance may be disruptive to the ritual energies. At the very worse, a late entrance can be distracting to the participants and will be considered rude.

If you do arrive late at an outdoor gathering, hang back quietly until someone facilitating the ritual comes by and lets you in the circle. In many traditions, an energy barrier is erected at the start of the ritual. It is believed that simply walking through that barrier is disruptive to those energies, or can dissipate them completely. In order to enter, an opening in the barrier needs to be made by someone qualified in the group-- an action sometimes known as, “cutting a doorway.” If you arrive and the ritual has begun, wait in the back until someone comes and cuts a doorway for you. If no one does, remain and watch from a distance.

In a lot of cases, if the ritual is held in doors, you will find if you have arrived late that the doors will be closed with a sign firmly explaining that a ritual is already in progress and you should not enter. If this is the case, heed the request and wait outside, or come back for another event.

DON’T BE IN A HURRY

Just as it is disruptive to come in late, it can equally be considered rude and disruptive if you begin to gather your stuff in the middle of a ritual and walk out. When planning your schedule, take into account that the ritual could possibly start late or run longer than you expected, and be prepared to stay, at least until the circle is open.

MAKE A DONATION

Pagan groups that hold open public rituals are not-for-profit groups. Sometimes they have to pay for the use of a facility, permits, and often bring all the ritual supplies. This comes out of the pockets of the generous group members who want to make open public rituals possible, as well as from donations from visitors. If you attend a gathering and a collection basket is sent around, or if there is a jar on a table requesting donations, try to put something in it. Though no one will hold it against you if you cannot afford a donation, a dollar or two, or pocket change will be appreciated and make group gatherings in the future possible.

BRING SOMETHING

Often group events are followed by pot luck meals, or coffee and cake after the ritual. A lot of times people will bring an abundance of food, pastries and snacks, but paper plates, cups, plastic utensils and napkins fall short. If the group specifically identifies themselves as vegetarian, you may want to nix the meat dishes and bring a fruit salad. If the ritual is being held in a private home, the hostess may appreciate a can of coffee, some soft drinks or paper towels. If there will not be a pot luck or coffee time afterward, it is polite to bring something for the group to help replenish their supplies, such as some candles, a vial of essential oil, or a package of charcoal briquettes for incense burning (not the cooking kind; its fumes can be fatal indoors).

You may want to check ahead on the group’s website, advertisement, call the hostess of the home it is held in, or a group contact to find out what would be most appreciated. If you’re told you don’t have to bring anything, bring something anyway.

DON’T BRING ALCOHOL OR DRUGS

While Pagans have nothing against a glass of ritual wine with their friends or covenmates, alcohol is often restricted from large group gatherings. Without knowing anything about some of the people who may show up, how they may behave or if they are able to drink responsibly and hold their liquor, the belief is that it is better to safe than sorry and just omit alcoholic beverages. The exception may be using a ritual wine, which will be rationed out in very, very small portions and put away before the after ritual festivities. If you bring a bottle of wine or a case of beer to a ritual, chances are they will thank you but ask you to remove it from the premises, especially if alcoholic beverages are a violation of any permit or insurance they may have.

Bringing illegal substances to the ritual is a good way to insult the organization, and will most likely get you promptly kicked out on your patootie, with a request that you never return. Of course, there are always individuals with drug problems in all walks of life, and Pagans are no exception. However, Pagan groups are no more supportive of drug use than any other group. In fact, they are likely to more vigilant in order to keep drugs out, and will have a less-than-zero tolerance for anyone who shows up with drugs. Pagans still get enough bad press, and the last thing any group wants is to be the center of a scandal, or paint their community in an unfavorable light because some inconsiderate visitor tried to smuggle some narcotics into their ritual.

CHECK BEFORE BRINGING CHILDREN

Some Pagan gatherings welcome the next generation of Witchlings into the circle with open arms and encourage children to participate. Other groups are happy to allow older, well-behaved children into the circle. Still other larger groups, or groups where there is a high rate of parents involved, may have a person or two who volunteers to take the children aside and babysit while parents are participating in ritual. And there are groups who prefer that no one under the age of 18 be present for any part of the gathering.

Sometimes the content of the ritual is simply not suited for young viewers, at other times the group is made up of adult worshipers who prefer to worship without distraction. At other times, it can be a moral/legal issue– no one under 18 is admitted because the group does not want to deal with angry parents accusing group members of “corrupting” their young. If you have children, find out in advance what the group’s policy is.

DON’T TOUCH!

If you are attending a gathering, try to keep your hands to yourself. There will likely be an altar and a lot of beautiful ritual tools around the room, perhaps baskets full of fruits or bottles of wine, or a large table set up with the delicious pot luck treats for later. You may be tempted to pick up an elaborately carved dagger for closer inspection, help yourself to a sweet roll, or find yourself parched and pop open a bottle of juice. Don’t.

The ritual tools may belong to the group, or may be personal items belonging to members who have an active role in the rite. Aside from the fact that you could damage or break something that is valuable or sacred to someone, there are many Pagans who imbue their tools with specific energies, and feel that an outsider touching it will disrupt these energies. The juice you pop open or roll you snatch may have been blessed and planned for the ritual feast, and it will be considered rude to partake in it before the Priest/ess offers it. Wait until you are offered something before you take it, and if you really want to hold that crystal wand for a moment– ask, and be prepared to take no for an answer.

BE GRACIOUS

Don’t go to a ritual preaching a differing religious perspective than the group. While many Pagans don’t usually mind a friendly theological debate, others do mind, and a ritual is no place to spark one. Feel free to ask questions once the ritual is wrapped up, but don’t jump on a soap box and begin to spout your own faith.

It is equally rude to tell anyone in the group that any part of their ritual was done wrong, or that the Priest/ess got some information incorrect. Perhaps in your tradition you face East, and in this group they face North. Perhaps in your ritual the sacred knife is never used for cutting anything physical, and you were horrified when the High Priestess used the ritual dagger to cut bread to be handed out to participants. Maybe in a book you recently read the author said candles should be snuffed, never blown out, and you witnessed the group members extinguishing all the flames with their own breath. Their tradition may differ from yours or that of which you read about. If you are not willing to experience their ritual on their terms, perhaps you are better off not going at all. Going on an I-am-a-holier-than-thou-Pagan rant will only create enemies.