Proper manners: wedding ring etiquette

Weddings are hallmarked by traditions and etiquette, allowing the bride and groom to celebrate family, friends, and their marriage in a way that is meaningful for them. Given the many nuances of tradition, it is not surprising that the wedding bands have their own etiquette guidelines.

The happy occasion of a wedding begins with an engagement, when the man presents his intended with an engagement ring. Traditionally, the man buys the ring; however, the amount he should spend is at his discretion. Generally speaking, one month’s salary has been a guideline in the past, but each couple today has their own financial priorities.

In the case of a family heirloom, it is important to be sensitive to both parties. While giving heirlooms is very romantic, a larger issue is if the bride-to-be will want to wear that ring for the rest of her life. As a result, the man should be open to having it reset to suit her tastes. The woman, however, should also realize that the heirloom is a part of the family she is about to join, so tact is utmost importance. In most circumstances though, it is in very poor taste to give a second-hand ring, especially if the man already gave it to someone else.

If the man is keeping the purchase of the ring a secret from his girlfriend, he should gather some information before going shopping. Knowing her ring size is essential, since a recently engaged woman will not want to part with her ring for a few days to get it re-sized. Also, he should note some of her jewelry tastes (modern, simple, antique, etc.) so there will be a greater chance she will like his choice.

Diamonds are used the most in engagement ring settings, mainly because of their durability and strength. These qualities are meant to symbolize the relationship, so the diamond is usually the centerpiece of the ring’s setting. Any other stone can also be used in an engagement ring, though frequently these stones are surrounding the diamond.

After the purchase, the man should also keep the receipt for insurance purposes and in case she does not like it. In a situation where the woman calls off the engagement, the proper etiquette is for her to return the ring. If the man cancels the engagement, she is allowed to keep it.

Also at the time of engagement, some brides-to-be will give their fiancé a signet ring in the same metal of her engagement ring. Although it is not a widespread tradition, it is a nice opportunity for the woman to give her fiancé a similar gift. The couple decides on their wedding rings during this time. The bride and groom’s rings should go together, meaning the metals match and the styles are similar. For example, a groom’s ring wouldn’t be gold if his bride’s was platinum.

Another consideration when purchasing the wedding bands is the metal and setting of the engagement ring. Women frequently wear them together, so it is important that they match. To this end, many jewelry makers design a matching wedding ring to go with the engagement ring.

Another element of traditional wedding ring etiquette is for the man to pay for the woman’s ring and visa versa.

On the day of the ceremony, the bride should switch her engagement ring to her ring finger on her right hand. Now, her left-hand ring finger is ready for her wedding ring. Traditionally, the engagement ring and wedding ring are worn on the third finger of the left hand. This custom originated when people believed that a vein of blood ran from this finger to the heart, thus making it the most appropriate place for a wedding ring.

After the ceremony, the engagement ring is added to the wedding ring on the left hand. Now that the couple is married, the wedding ring is worn on the inside of the third finger, with the engagement ring on the outside. Again, this custom is related to the location of the heart – the wedding ring is placed in a position closest to the heart. If the bride has chosen to wear gloves on her wedding day, she can either remove them mid-ceremony or purchase gloves with an opening at her ring finger for this part of the ceremony.

Amongst these traditions and etiquette, it is most important that the bride and groom make the decisions they want, not what tradition dictates. Wedding rings are a symbol of the relationship, and they should be as unique as the couple wearing them.