Arguments are inevitable in nearly every relationship. The test of a healthy relationship is not whether disagreements occur, but in how the arguments are conducted. Read these tips for keeping your arguments healthy and reducing the discord in your relationships.
See the other side
Since much of life is subjective, people have different points of view. In many instances, people with differing opinions may both have valid ideas. When you are arguing with someone, take time to investigate how the other person came to his conclusion. Ask questions to find out how he came to his decisions and look at the issue from both sides. While this may not make you change your opinion, it will help establish respect for both parties involved and allow you to keep the discussion rational.
Really listen
Not only do you need to be willing to really express yourself in an argument, but you need to take time to listen to your partner. If you are unclear what someone is saying, ask him to clarify. If you think you understand his point, reiterate it back to him asking him to confirm you are correct in your comprehension. This will assure your partner that you really value what he is saying and that you care enough to listen.
Keep your discourse honest and polite
Good relationships are based on trust and honesty. Be respectful enough of your partner and of the relationship you share to tell the truth even when you are arguing. At the same time, it is important to trust your partner and what he is saying so that you can develop trust and honesty both ways.
It is also very important to keep your conversation polite and respectful. Name-calling and verbal abuse quickly break down communication and are only counter-productive. While it may be tempting to denigrate someone in the heat of discord, in the long run it serves no positive purpose. This kind of lashing out tears down a relationship, when the goal of an argument should be to discuss differences in order to build up the partnership.
Find the real issue
Often, the things people argue about are minor irritations and are not the real issues in their relationships. Arguments can become a catchall for every upset and unhappiness that has occurred, which only leads to confusion; it is difficult to solve a problem when you cannot even identify what the real problem is. If you find yourself frequently having blow-ups over the toothpaste cap or the milk carton, look beyond these discussions for the real issues. Is there a battle over control in the relationship? Is there resentment over a broken promise? While the real issue can seem more difficult to discuss, in the long run working it out will lead to increased satisfaction and harmony in the relationship.
Argue in private
While it can be difficult for parents to find time away from their children, it is important not to argue in front of the kids. Young children simply do not have the maturity to witness large arguments without being harmed and it is difficult for a couple to have a fair and honest disagreement with an audience. It is also important not to argue in front of friends and family or in public places since these also constrain your ability to have a productive conclusion to your argument.
