10 things to learn and remember about domestic abuse

One thing to remember when suspecting someone you know is being abused physically or mentally is to remember that although it is much more common, it is not just females who are abused by the partner. Men can also be abused and it is not just mentally, they can be physically abused as well. It is often much more difficult for a man to come forward or leave the abusive relationship because of the real or imagined "dishonor" he might feel.

Whether the victimized partner is male or female, here are ten ways to help you recognize abuses of various kinds and hopefully help yourself or give someone else the help they will need to break free from an abusive situation of domestic violence and be able to move to a life of safety instead of fear.

1. Be aware that in addition to the more recognizable physical abuse, other abuses are not so identifiable on the surface. These include financial abuse where the abuser makes sure the partner has no access to extra money so they can't be making plans to leave and are thus totally dependent. Sexual abuse and verbal abuse are not often visible on the surface either. Psychological abuse is sometimes recognizable but often the abused party makes a valiant effort to hide it.

2. Research the signs that will help you to know if someone you know is being abused. Learn them before it becomes too late and keep the signs in mind. If you are wondering whether or not you should research this topic, you most likely already have an idea that it is happening. The signs listed in this article will not be exclusive, so make certain you know them all, including those not listed.

3. Signs of sexual abuse include the abuser telling the victim that they are not good at sexual performance. Other ways to recognize this form of abuse is the abuser forcing sex or forcing the victim to role play with the abusing partner in control of all scenarios. The more common forms of sexual abuse include the unwelcomed groping and grabbing of the victim.

4. The form of abuse that damages the spirit without leaving physical bruises is often justified by the victim as being his or her fault. These are the psychological abuses and they include things like verbally cutting the victim down, criticizing or shaming, and mocking. The insults are often of a personal nature and include things like insults on appearance or how the victim does things. The abuser will often tell the victim things such as they are not lovable, no one else would treat them any better, etc.

5. The many manifestations of physical abuse won't need to be spelled out to someone who is being abused. These at their worst are the things that people describe as "beating" but of course there are other forms. This would include things such as being held back physically when the victim tries to leave the house. Another form is the abuser throwing objects at the victim. Anything that causes physical harm, bruises, broken bones, etc. is this form of abuse.

6. An abuser will often isolate the victim. Usually slowly and over time, he or she will do and say things to alienate the victim from family and friends. If the victim sees friends against the partner's wishes, the abuser will sometimes make accusations, hoping to force the victim into wanting to "prove him wrong" so the victim discontinues the friendship.

7. An abuser will try to intimidate a victim. The more they can control and strike visible fear into the victim, the more powerful they will feel. This is what often causes the abuse to escalate as time goes on.

8. Do not be afraid to ask for help if you are being abused and need to leave the situation. Law enforcement, clergy, and shelter workers are trained to help with this transition while keeping you and your children, if any are involved, safe. Know where shelters are located and do not be afraid to ask for an escort to safety if you do not feel comfortable without one.

9. One of the most important things to remember is that there are many other kinds of abuse besides the physical beatings. Turning the other way and ignoring it if you suspect someone is being abused, or not doing something about it if you, yourself are being abused, is only enabling the abuser to hurt again.

10. Never forget that abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances and it is NOT the victim's fault. The abuser most likely made it sound as if it was all the fault of the victim, but there is never an excuse for any kind of abuse, and such things are not true and are just another attempt to control. Leaving an abusive situation is often very difficult for the victim and the question should not be "what will happen to me if I leave?" The question needs to be instead, "what will happen to me if I don't leave?"