The loss of a pregnancy, miscarriage, is an event that can be devestating. Learning to cope may alleviate fears of future pregnancies. Fear, anxiety and depression are a normal reaction.
Miscarriage is a formidable word that strikes fear in the heart of many pregnant women. The term 'miscarriage' is medically known as a spontaneous abortion as long as it occurs prior to the twentieth week of pregnancy. The threat lurks in the minds of many newly pregnant women, and they spend much of their time anxiously hoping that it does not happen to them. Despite a woman's best efforts the unfortunate does occur. Many who have experienced this type of loss soon realize that they are not alone in their experience. Some statistics show that 1 in 8 pregnancies end in a miscarriage after the pregnancy is confirmed. Statistics also show that 20% to 40% end prior to the confirmation of a pregnancy.
There are many reasons attributed to miscarriage, many that are not medically verifiable but are believed to be relevant causes. Those factors that are medically known to cause miscarriages are abnormalities of the uterus or cervix that impede the development or growth of a fertilized egg, and genetic anomalies that make it impossible for and embryo to survive. There are factors, however, that are known to increase the risk of miscarriage and may even contribute to a pregnancy loss. Hormonal imbalance, sexually transmitted disease, sperm allergy or immune system deficiencies, multiple abortions which weakens and compromises the cervix, high-risk pregnancies, history of pre-term labor, smoking, some infections, drug use and age can affect a pregnancy adversely and lead to loss.
There are some indicators that may warn a woman of an impending miscarriage. The most common signs are vaginal bleeding and cramping. However, some women do not experience any visible signs. An ultrasound can confirm the diagnosis and reveal if all tissue has been discharged. A pelvic exam will indicate if the cervix has begun to dilate.
Along with the known causes of miscarriage there are many misconceptions. By addressing some of those a woman can ease the fear that she somehow contributed to the loss of her pregnancy. Miscarriage is not cause by having intercourse, heavy lifting, minor falls, activity, excessive vomiting or stress. Fears that a miscarriage had been brought about by something that the woman did can be paralyzing and often multiplies fears in subsequent pregnancies.
Miscarriage can occur at any time during the childbearing years. Whether it is the first, third or last pregnancy. No one can predict when or if it will occur. However, the chance of a successful pregnancy following a miscarriage is about 80%.
Many couples will only experience one miscarriage without a definitive cause ever being attributed. That is not to say that one experience is not an emotional and some times devastating time. The feelings can be over-whelming and some times unrelenting, but the best way to get through the ordeal would be to learn how to cope with it.
How to Cope with Miscarriage
Realizing that you are not alone is key to understand when cooping with a miscarriage. There are many that have already gone through a similar loss, though they may not have been at the same stage. A miscarriage regardless if it is in the first week or the fourteenth week, is just that, a loss. Like any other loss that a woman may suffer in her life there is a grieving process that is inevitable. The reaction is similar to a loss suffered if the pregnancy had gone to term. The only difference is that there is no moment to signify a definitive end. The potential life ends without the ability of ever getting to realize that life.
Once a woman finds out that she is pregnant, she begins to anticipate the life growing within her. The bond can be quite strong even though the woman has not yet seen or felt him or her. When a loss of pregnancy is realized, a woman may experience the same stages of grief that many face. There is no certain timetable for the emotional process to occur, but it does signify the beginning of the healing process.
Realizing that a woman is not alone in her grief can be a comfort to her ego. Many areas have support groups available to women that have experienced a miscarriage. Peers can aide in helping a couple deal with their loss and grief. Talking with others and expressing fears and experiences may begin to alleviate some of the anxiety or unnecessary guilt that she is feeling.
Discuss concerns with your doctor. Don't be afraid to broach the subject with him or her because they may be able to shed some insight on some of the fears or apprehensions that another pregnancy may cause.
Another area a woman suffering a miscarriage should overlook is their partner. They are suffering the loss as well, though they may not show the outward signs that the woman may display. But his fears and grief are just as real. Just because he was not carrying the pregnancy, he still has a vested interest in the loss. A counselor or therapist may be of assistance and may shed some light on the varying degrees of emotional distress that each partner is exhibiting.
Other children may be undergoing anxiety over the loss as well. They may feel anxious and they may think that it had occurred because they had 'wished it away'. Parents should try and alleviate their fears and reassure them that they were not the cause. There are many that can be affected by this tragic event.
Dealing with Others
Many do not know how to respond when they are informed of a loss, even if they have experienced a similar event. The moment is awkward and sometimes they fill is with unwanted and unsolicited advice. It is inevitable that you will be reminded that there is always next time, it was for the best, there was something wrong to begin with, or be grateful for the children you have. All these 'words of comfort' are meant to help you get through the difficult situation but in reality they provide little comfort.
The best way to deal with comments that may be directed toward the loss would be to understand that others are just uncomfortable and do not know any other way to react. Acknowledge their statement but emphasize that this is a grieving process necessary for you and your partner to go through. Sometimes the best response is to say nothing at all. Do not feel pressured to 'get over it', that should be done in your own time. Having someone who is just willing to listen can be the most effective avenue for healing.
