Disciplining your children can take a toll on your marriage if you and your spouse don't agree on how to do it. Here are some common child discipline differences and how to handle them.
To make matters worse, as your children grow older you may even find that you and your spouse are not always on the same page when it comes to discipline. Discipline differences can cause trouble in a marriage-- and can also greatly confuse your children. It is important that you and your spouse work together to come up with discipline methods that you both can agree on.
Many parents end up adapting disciplinary techniques similar to those that that they grew up with. If your parents were overly strict, you may find yourself taking that type of approach with your own children. If your spouse's parents were somewhat permissive, you may see that your spouse has a more laid back way of doing things. Thus, you may be deemed the "mean" parent while your spouse will be seen as the pushover. If you want to avoid this problem, there are some discipline techniques that you and your spouse should talk about ahead of time:
-- Make a plan and be consistent. Consistency is the most important thing to keep in mind when disciplining your children. Try to avoid making empty threats, because children can see right through them. Threaten a few times without following through and your kids will soon learn not to take you seriously. Work with your spouse to develop a plan that will keep you both in sync. Develop a punishment system for your kids, as well as a rewards system for good behavior.
-- Spanking. Spanking is a very controversial disciplinary tactic. If you were routinely spanked as a child, you may have already vowed that you would never do that to your own children. Because it is such a hot topic, it is very important that you discuss the subject of spanking with your spouse. Your spouse may feel that a swift swat on the bottom is not harmful to a child, while you may feel that any type of hitting is completely unacceptable. If you can not come to terms on this subject, your kids are going to pick up on it.
--Time""outs. The premise of a time-out is simple enough. When your child misbehaves, he or she must sit alone in a designated area for a specified amount of time. But, perhaps your spouse feels that this technique has no merit. Thus, if you spend all week putting your child in time-out whenever he or she misbehaves, and then on the weekends your spouse doesn't do the same, your child may feel that he or she can get away with more when you are not around.
Your child will soon learn how to pit your and your spouse against one another, which can lead to other troubles within your household.
--Consequences. Some parents feel that the punishment should fit the crime. For example, if your kids are fighting over which television show to watch, the punishment might be no television at all for a day. Or if your child grabs a toy from another child, he or she may not be allowed to play with that toy at all. Talk to your spouse to see if you are both on the same page when it comes to consequences for your child.
--Get counseling. If, after discussing the various types of discipline methods, you find that you and your spouse still can not agree on how to discipline your children, you should seek professional family counseling at once. This is not an area where you can just hope things will work out on their own. Disciplining your children is one of the most important parts of parenthood. Do a good job at it, and you kids will grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.
