Free marriage advice: Words can make or break us, hurt or heal us. In a marriage, what we say to our spouse is important. Here are some tips on what to say and what NOT to say in your marriage.
Words can make or break us, hurt or heal us. Have you ever had your boss degrade or insult you or your work? Have you ever had a total stranger or a sibling tease you or insult you? Words can hurt. We have all heard the rhyme, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." And though we liked to spout out that rhyme in retaliation to a cruel schoolmate's teasing, we knew deep down that the words cut like a knife.
In a marriage, what we say to our spouse is important. The wrong thing can rip a husband's ego to shreds. The wrong words can send a wife's self esteem plummeting. Words can be the life and death of a marriage. The Bible says that the tongue is a two edged sword, that is what this means.
Often husbands and wives use words out of anger or ignorance, with no conscious awareness of the consequences that their words may have on their spouse. It may be one sentence that could stab like a knife through the heart or it could be small words, relentless torture, that little by little, tear down the delicately woven fabric which is love.
Here are some suggestions on what to say to make your marriage stronger, along with some destructive words or phrases that should NEVER be uttered in a marriage relationship.
DO SAY:
-I love you
-You look beautiful (or handsome)
-I appreciate you
-I believe in you
-You are a wonderful person
-Thank you
-Would you please help me with this?
-I am thinking of you
-I can't wait to see you
-Please
-Can I help you?
-I love spending time with you
-You mean everything to me
-You are so strong (to the husband)
-You mean the world to me
-I am so lucky to have you in my life
-I am proud of you!
-I respect you
-I am here for you
-I am listening.
Always ask, don't demand. Give compliments. Share your feelings. You may think she knows that you love her. You make think he knows that you appreciate him, but often they don't. They need to hear it. Use "I" instead of "You" to start your sentences, so not to put your spouse on the defensive.
DON'T SAY:
-I told you so
-You're lazy
-You're fat
-Did you gain weight?
-You ALWAYS (or) You NEVER....(saying you ALWAYS or you NEVER, is threatening, and not true...it might be this time or sometimes...take the situation on an individual basis)
-You're a failure
-You made a misake (that person knows if he or she made a mistake. Pointing it out will only make them resent you)
-You never listen to me
-You're ridiculous
-That's stupid
-You're such an airhead
-Don't you know how to do anything?
-What's the matter with you?
-Are you crazy?
-You're so dumb
-I hate you
-I don't know why I married you
-You never help me
-You don't listen
-All you do is watch tv
-This marriage is a ball and chain
-Do .....(this or that, whatever like ....take out the garbage or why don't you go cut the grass....)ALWAYS ASK. NEVER DEMAND
-You're going to be sorry
-Your paychecks are so small I can't pay the bills
-You're sloppy
-You never clean the house
-Why don't you fix your hair?
-Is that all you have to wear is that old t-shirt?
-You don't understand anything
-You never loved me
-You never show me love
-You never do anything for me
-You don't understand anything
-Is that all?
-You're pathetic
-You're not even a man (or woman)
-Don't you know anything?
-You are so....(whatever....thats an automatic insult)
Many of these are examples, but you get the picture. Don't poke fun at your marriage when you're with your friends. Don't belittle your spouse or say things that will make them feel insecure or self conscious. Don't degrade your spouse. Don't ever curse at your spouse or stoop to name calling. Basically, don't insult your spouse. Don't demand anything, ask. Listen. Accept your spouse unconditionally. Be kind and loving, courteous and respectful. Marriage is a beautiful thing and to stay in love, there must be empathy and respect.
