How does one learn good manners? Tips for teaching manners to children, pre-teens and teens. Maura Graber, who has been teaching manners to children and adults for 15 years and is the director of The R.S.V.P....
Maura Graber, who has been teaching manners to children and adults for 15 years and is the director of The R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette, remarks on the importance of children learning good manners, "Historically, mothers taught manners to children, but the whole structure of the American family has changed tremendously, and not just by 'moms' going to work. In a lot of cases now, there may not be a mother...in the home at all. At the present time, you can't really put a label on who is supposed to teach the members of the family (proper) etiquette. I think whoever is in charge of rearing a child, should teach that child to respect others. Then, I think once that child reaches a certain age, he or she needs to figure it out on their own. This is what I try to get young people to do. I enjoy working with pre-teens and teens the most because that is when the parents are 'tuned out' and they are 'tuning their peers in'. If preteens and teens understand what will make them feel more comfortable socially, then they won't be so susceptible to the peer pressures that could put them in danger or harm's way."
The basics of proper etiquette are mostly common-sense rules. Do not interrupt when someone else is talking, do not chew with your mouth open, do not wear ripped up jeans to a formal function. The two easiest ways become skilled in the fundamentals of propriety, to learn good manners, is to study and to practice. Just like anything else that's worthwhile.
There are three ways to study etiquette. One is to consult a professional, like Maura, who will teach you everything you need to know. Another is to read books and articles on the subject. You can scour your local library, thrift stores and book stores for publications on the topics of "manners" and/or "etiquette". Even though getting your hands on newer editions may be best, the essentials of societal grace have not changed dramatically over the last century. Initially, starting with any book, even published decades ago, is a good beginning to becoming socially adept. The easiest way to gain knowledge of good manners is to carefully watch those around you that already have them. Everyone knows someone that is considered to be the "nicest person" or the "best guest to have at a dinner party" or "so classy". Study that person's mannerisms and do your best to copy them. This is not to say that you should change your personality to match someone else's. Proper etiquette is not about changing who you are, it's about improving how you act in certain situations. Having good manners doesn't mean being stuffy or even conservative, it should, in fact, free you in group gatherings to be more sociable, more outgoing, more friendly. When you learn instinctively how to act in certain situations, you'll actually be able to express your true self with less reserve and self-consciousness.
In order to gain that level of confidence in yourself, you'll need to practice what you have learned about good manners in private as well as in public. The "Emily Post Book of Etiquette For Young People" published in 1967 by Funk & Wagnalls puts it this way: "Courtesy begins at home. If you practice your manners with your family and the guests who come to your house, you'll never have any problem when you're in other homes or among strangers" She goes on to write, "It's very hard, in fact practically impossible, not to relax and let down on some of the formalities at home... besides, life would be difficult if you didn't." So basically, you may not use the same etiquette around your family table as you would at a formal dinner but everyone should still insist on good manners. As Emily says, "...leaving the formalities aside, you can still stick to the basic principles of unselfishness and consideration, and that's what etiquette is."
