Learn what you can do to break out of your shell
Shyness is a feeling of unease around people - especially those we don't know or with whom we don't feel secure. It is an extremely common complaint. In fact, one survey showed that 80 percent of those questioned had been shy at some time in their life, and 40 percent currently considered themselves to be shy. In it's extreme manifestation, it affects people in a variety of ways - downcast eyes, pounding heart, inability to speak, loss of composure, continuous chattering.
To overcome shyness it is important to understand the problem. Shyness, you see, does not describe what you are, but rather it describes an aspect of your behaviour. Often it stems from false believes about what others are thinking. You might, for instance, think that others are making negative judgements about you. You think they don't like you. You think that you are not as good as others. You expect things to go badly. And because you are so tense and uptight this is often just what happens. The negative experience feeds your insecurity and the problem spirals.
One unfavourable outcome of your shyness may be that others may think that you are stuck-up, unfriendly or even uncaring or ignorant. The truth is that you become so caught up in your own feelings that you are unable to pay sufficient attention to others. Because you are afraid to speak up and express your true feelings and opinions you shut yourself off to many of the joys of life. However, the situation is by no means without hope. By putting forth the time and effort, your shyness can become a thing of the past. Here are eight key steps that can help you to do just that:
(1) Make a real effort to stop worrying about what you think others are thinking about you. People who are worth having as friends will judge you not simply by outward appearances but by the kind of person you truly are.
(2) Think positively. Rather than expecting perfection from yourself, be realistic about your strengths and weaknesses. And not everyone shares the same opinion. So, if someone has a different viewpoint than you, it doesn't mean that they have rejected you as a person.
(3) Judge others fairly. Try not to assign bad motives to others. Rather than thinking that they are looking down at you, trust that they are seeing you as an equal.
(4) Learn to be sociable. Force yourself to smile, to greet others and to carry on a conversation. Remember that you have only 50 percent of the responsibility. The other person should carry the rest of the conversation.
(5) Try to develop a sense of humor about yourself. Don't condemn yourself if you say something wrong. Just relax and continue with the conversation, perhaps adding, "That didn't come out right."
(6) Set realistic and meaningful goals for yourself. Start of with engaging in conversation with others, talking to people you haven't yet met, acting in a confident manner.
(7) If you are faced with a tough situation like a speech or a job interview, be as prepared as possible. Practice well beforehand. Maintain eye contact with your audience and be convinced that what you have to impart is of real value to your listeners. Dress tastefully, making sure that your clothes are clean and pressed.
(8) Develop conversations by introducing yourself, mentioning an experience you both share, giving sincere compliments, and asking viewpoint questions.
Shyness affects all of us to some degree. But it need not control us. Rather than locking yourself behind the bars of the shyness, you can break free and enjoy the benefits of interacting with others. Work consistently, taking it one step at a time, and you too will overcome shyness.
