A move is traumatic for children. Learn how to ease the transition and help them adjust to their new home and school.
Moving can be very traumatic for children. If your children are school-aged, they'll have to adjust to a new school, new friends, a new neighborhood, maybe even a new climate. For younger children, the move may not be as traumatic (unless you have a two-year-old in your family) because their world revolves mostly around family, and you'll all still be there. Despite the harshness of moving, there are things you can do to ease your children's fears and apprehensions.
Come right out with it. Don't keep the move a secret from your children. They need plenty of time to adjust to the idea. Waiting until the last minute will open up the possibility that they learn about your move from someone else, and this can leave them feeling left out and mistrustful. They need to know that your family is a team, and that you'll all adjust and get through the move together. For very young children, talk about the move in terms they'll understand ("This house isn't big enough for our family any more; we need a bigger house.").
Express your own feelings. Share your feelings about the move with your children so they will be able to process their own feelings. Tell them that you'll miss your old neighborhood, your friends, your favorite restaurant, but that you're excited about meeting new people, living near the ocean (if that's where you're going), and other positive aspects.
Be positive. Emphasize the positive about your new locale. Tell them about the great park just four blocks from your new house, the community swimming pool, the big bedrooms in your new house. Get them excited about the new city and all they can experience there.
Give your kids a sneak preview. If at all possible, take them to visit the new house. Let them walk around their new school and play on the playground. If the new house is in another state, show them pictures from your house-hunting trip, including pictures of the new schools, the kids' bedrooms, the yard, and anything else that will get them excited.
Don't throw away too much. When you're packing up to move, the temptation to throw things away is great, but be extra cautious when throwing out your children's belongings. If too much changes, they'll feel resentful and more uprooted than necessary. They need to feel that their lives still have common threads, and if many of their belongings go out with the trash, that thread will feel broken.
Involve them. Moving is such a time-consuming process that children often get shuffled off to a babysitter's house to keep them out of the way. But try and find some tasks they can do without being underfoot. They need to feel included in the moving process. Your children need extra attention during this uprooting period. Take them out for ice cream while the packers are busy.
Pack the children's rooms last. Let them have a sanctuary to run to while the stacks of boxes pile higher and higher. Also, make sure that their furniture is packed last so you'll be able to unpack their beds first. This will help them feel more secure that first night in your new home.
Don't change too much. Moving is a huge adjustment, so don't try to get your kids to adjust to anything else at the same time. Don't try to potty train a child or introduce her to school for the first time. When you get to your new house, be sure to use the old things she's familiar with (the same old dishes, the same comfy chairs).
Stay in touch. Make a concerted effort to stay in touch with friends and relatives. Budget extra money for the long-distance phone bill for the first few months, and encourage your children to write letters to their friends. Those letters will be especially precious while they're trying to make new friends and "fit in" at school.
Moving is an exciting time, but don't forget that your children need extra attention and special care. Reinforce the positive, and your children will soon feel at home in their new environment.
