Children and grief, how to help as a parent. What you need to explain when a family memeber dies.
It is a very hard time for a parent or parents to have to tell a child about a death in the family and naturally the age of the child will make a difference. Remember it is a good idea to allow feelings to be experienced because this can deepen a child's sense of self and it allows him to express his feelings.
It is certainly a sad time when a loved one or a friend passes away, and some psychologists and psychiatrists now are telling us that it is okay to have a lot of crying among family members especially children after the loss of someone.
You will need to sit down with your child and explain what has happened if the loss is because of a death. Try to explain why that person is not going to be in his life anymore and that the memories will always be in his heart. If the child is old enough to understand you might tell him the reason the person is not with them anymore, for example a car accident, a long illness, etc.
Children will get over the death of a loved one close to them if their relations with their parents are solid and assured and they feel protected and safe. A good deal of a child's upset is often due to the parent's upset. In mourning, a parent withdraws, and to the child that means less love and interest.
The death of a member of the family should not be kept secret from a child. As is true with illness and economic worries, children are less disturbed if the facts are out in the open. Every parent and child reacts to the death of a loved one in a highly individual way, depending on their own relationship with the person who has left them.
In the case of a child's mother or father passing away the child could start to cling to the remaining parent, fearing that he will lose that parent too. There can be lots of problems after the loss of a parent resulting from the death. If a mother is left sometimes the child will lose interest in all pleasures and social life, others may become over cheerful; still others may become "hard,", a way of denying love and defending against further loss. Some children can bear no reference to their loss, as if tender sayings about the parent they lost would be a criticism or accusation against them. Sometimes a child can develop acute depression as there are many ways in which the pain and loss are dealt with in a child's mind. With sympathy and understanding, the remaining parent can make it easier by not denying the reality of his loss and his feelings about it.
Naturally the parents or parents have to deal with the loss of either their spouse or a loved one and will get help hopefully from friends and family. Sometimes a parent will need to seek counseling themselves or speak to a professional if they feel the child is not recovering from the loss. The first task will be to let the child express his feelings. By all means keep the memory of the loved one realistic, warm and alive.
