To Raise grandchildren is intimidating, advice on conserving energy and using experience to make things easier.
Grandparenting, the extension of having already experienced the goals of first time parenting, is a very comfortable place to be. The wisdom's earned through trial and error, successes and failures are invaluable tools with which to address the newest additions to your family tree.
The prospect, however, of taking on the responsibility of once again bringing a young one from diapers to adulthood, at this stage of life, can be intimidating. There are new considerations to explore.
Of course, it goes without saying, that you may not be at the top of your game, physically. Not as agile, as perhaps twenty years ago. Though these facts, at first glance, may seem a drawback, don't let this freeze you in your tracks.
Do you remember what it was like the first, or even the second times around, as a parent? You were unsure. You were in the midst of creating yourself in the workplace and in the community.
You were spread thin by the demands of learning what works and what does not. What is appropriate and what is not.
Most of your energies, at that time, were expended questioning your motives, your intentions, your abilities, searching for the "rights" of parenting. This ongoing process required tremendous effort.
Relax a bit then, knowing that you have been through this already. You have created a base of knowledge, that now is just a matter of drawing upon, as needed. Most of the questions have been answered. In many cases, nothing new, will cross your path.
No matter what has changed in the world, child rearing has not. Children still need guidance. They still need consistency and they still need the security of trusting that you are there for them.
Throughout the ages, childhood development has been consistent in its stages. The baby still learns to crawl at about six to ten months of age. The ten to fourteen month old will still find their bearings and take those first steps. The two year old will still test boundaries and the five year old still wants to know why. The biological and emotional effects of puberty has haunted generations of teens and will continue to do so. Circumstances, problems or issues, may be dressed differently than those you dealt with years ago, but the basics remain the same.
Not sure if you can recall the fine points of those stages? Dig out those old Dr. Spock books or peruse issues of parenting magazines at the library, for a refresher or easy reference.
As for meeting physical demands, there are numerous organizations offering a wide variety of programs available to you and your grandchild. The YMCA not only provides for all levels of exercise and strenthening classes to help you gain or maintain stamina, but also playgroups, sporting activities and even child care for your grandchild.
Schedule activities that coincide. While you are stretching and bending to your new program, the children may attend a gym class. Why not enroll in parent/child swim lessons. This is a wonderful opportunity to participate together.
Most important. Know, that you are not alone. It is becoming increasingly more prevalent for grandparents to take an active role in the upbringing of todays children.
There are grandparent groups, in many cities, that are a wonderful resource for those like yourself. These may be as simple as a weekly support group and exchange of ideas. Or, some may encompass more specific needs. Child care exchanges, financial assistance contacts, counseling and guest lectures. Check with local schools, scouting councils, churches, or community centers for more information.
If, you are unable to make a connection, why not start one yourself. Have a meeting in your home, or make a few calls to local organizations for use of a cafeteria or classroom. In mostcases these are donated. Once you have a location, advertise. Contact the editors of community based publications, for some free space in their paper, announcing your intentions.
Enlist the help of printing shops. Some may be willing to contribute their time and supplies, in providing for flyers. These can be posted on public bulletin boards.
Are you Internet savvy? Post on message boards. Not sure how to do this? Most major libraries offer Internet access and help. A bit of foot-work now, can mean the difference between going it alone or forming a solid support system.
So far, the focus has been on your ability to physically and emotionally meet this situation. There are other practical, as well as possible legal aspects to consider.
Is there a need for legal guardianship? If not, do you at least have written authority, to house, care for, transport and provide medical treatment? Is this open ended, or is there a time frame involved? Will the parent(s) have any financial responsibility?
Granted, the initial decision to act in this capacity, may have been made under the most amicable environment, it is just good judgment to have this in writing. One never knows what the future will hold and it is for yours, as well as the child's benefit, to cover all the bases.
What has your relationship with the child been up to this point? Have you been active in the child's life? If this is not the case, is there opportunity to begin a relationship before major changes take place? What is the standing of your relationship to the parent(s)? How involved will
they be in this?
Does the child have health coverage? Is the child connected with a specific health care professional? Have you met with him or her? Are there on going health issues? If there is not insurance, are you financially capable of providing? What governmental resources are available to supplement or completely cover this?
Will the child continue to attend the same school? If so, have you made contact with the principal and/or guidance counselor there, to discuss the changes in his/her life? If there is a transfer to a new school, have you visited beforehand? Are there specific educational needs for this child and will the school provide for this? Who will be the contact person? You, or the parent(s)?
In the case where an adult child has moved into your home with his/her child, be aware that your role as grandparent may take on a more complex direction. It is worth discussing whether this will entail co-parenting on your part and what is the focus and where are the boundaries? Meeting all these factors up front, clears the air and allows you to then focus on the matter at hand. Raising or co-raising your grandchild.
Remember, you are the, "been there, done that," generation and have a treasure trove of love, knowledge, experience, maturity and wisdom to impart. Just because it comes in a slightly time-worn package, makes it none the less valuable.
