Proper Manners: Wedding Shower Etiquette Rules

If you're planning on hosting or attending a wedding shower, these simple tips on shower etiquette may help with your preparation.

A bridal shower is a time-honored custom enjoyed by all. Originally, a bride was showered with gifts so she would have everything necessary to be a good homemaker. Items such as linens, tableware, and pots and pans were common staples of a bridal shower. Since most of today's brides-to-be are more independent and have their own place prior to marriage, shower gifts can be less traditional. While household items are still commonplace, more decorative items are also acceptable. Even though the type of gifts may have changed, the etiquette surrounding the bridal shower hasn't. If you're planning on hosting or attending a wedding shower, these simple tips on shower etiquette may help with your preparation.

Traditionally, someone very close to the bride such as a sister, cousin, maid of honor or other member of the bridal party will host the shower. Although it's now acceptable for the mother of the bride to play hostess, this was once considered bad etiquette because it was thought to be a solicitation of gifts on behalf of the betrothed.

Invitations should be sent out at least thirty days prior to the event, but never more than two months. The guest list customarily includes close family and friends from both sides of the family. It's in bad taste to invite someone who will not be sent a wedding invitation so be sure to discuss the guest list with someone who is close to the bride-to-be. If the bride is aware of the shower beforehand, she can provide the hostess with a list of people who should attend. In the past, a shower was attended only by women; nowadays, it's perfectly acceptable for men to attend the shower as well. In fact, "couples" showers are growing in popularity. Even those close family members who cannot attend the shower because they live too far away should still be shown the courtesy of being sent a shower invitation.

Those attending the shower should respond to the invitation in a timely manner so the hostess has time to shop and prepare. One to two weeks prior to the shower date is the norm, but the deadline will most likely be indicated on the invitation. Never show up for a bridal shower without responding. The hostess may have only enough favors or certain food items for a specific amount of guests. In addition, this is considered rude. If you find out at the last minute you can attend the shower after all, call the hostess to find out if there is still room. In all likelihood, she will say yes.

If there will be a wishing well (a place to put inexpensive, anonymous household gifts), this will be indicated on the invitation. If the bride is registered with a certain department store, or if the shower will follow a particular theme, it will be indicated on the invitation as well.This should be used as a guide, however, and guests aren't obligated to shop from the registry list. It's perfectly acceptable to call the hostess to find out if there's anything in particular the happy couple desires.

The day of the shower is a busy one for the hostess. For this reason, she should elect someone, perhaps a member of the bridal party, to help answer the door while she makes preparations and sees that all the guests are comfortable. Once a guest enters the party area, the hostess shouldn't assume everyone knows each other, and should make the proper introductions and take gifts to the designated area.

If the bride doesn't know there will be a shower, her arrival will probably be scheduled about an hour after the guests' so punctuality is a must. If you must arrive late, it might be a good idea to contact the hostess to make sure your arrival won't coincide with the bride's and ruin the surprise. Once the guest of honor is in place, the festivities may begin. If the hostess has scheduled any party games or other festivities to break the ice, this would be the time.

Once the guests have been greeted and any games have been played, the bride should be led to her chair to open the gifts. Members of the bridal party should be close by to pass out gifts and collect and discard wrappings. Someone should also be available to jot down the name of each guest and that guest's gift. Other guests may leave the gift area to refresh a drink or snack plate, but it's bad etiquette to leave the gift area to chat with other guests. This is the bride's moment and guests were invited to share this with her.

After the gifts are opened and displayed, it will usually be time to eat. Many hostesses will invite husbands or significant others (if they are not already there) to dine with them after all of the festivities are over, and this is perfectly acceptable. This is the time for guests to mingle and chit chat. Depending on the time of day and hostesses' budget, it's acceptable to be served either a meal or finger foods. Cake and coffee is customarily served about an hour after the meal.

After dessert, it's time for the guests to go home. The members of the bridal party should stick around and offer clean up assistance to the hostess. If the groom-to-be hasn't already arrived, he'll traditionally arrive at this time to help the bride carry away the gifts.

After the shower is over, it's proper etiquette for the bride to thank her guests, not only for the gifts, but for sharing the day with her. Thank you cards should be sent out within a month. Any later than that is considered bad manners. Since this is a busy time for the bride, she can enlist the help of a close friend or relative to stamp and address envelopes, but the card and any good thoughts should be written by the recipient of the gift.

Most brides-to-be look forward to their wedding shower almost as much as the big day itself. This is a time to have fun with close friends and family and being invited is an honor. By following the above mentioned guidelines, your shower is sure to go off with out a hitch. Best of all, you will showing a special time to a special person.

© Demand Media 2011