How To Read Body Language: Attraction And Flirting

This is an overview of some basic non-verbal signs that people use to flirt or signal attraction. It covers what is considered negative or positive in regards to a person's attraction to you.

If you are single and looking for love, here is a fact that might surprise you.Ninety percent of what you say to the people you meet is non-verbal.Very often we give clues and signals to those we are attracted to without even realizing it.In most cases, you are reading someone's signals and forming a negative or positive impression without knowing why you are doing so.Non-verbal signals, or what is known as body language, can have five times more of an effect on a person than the actual words you may speak.

One of the most common types of body language is the smile.The smile is a universal sign of acceptance and happiness.A smile that reaches the eyes is a genuine smile that says you are welcome to come closer.

Something else to look for is eye contact.Sometimes you can almost feel someone looking at you, or you catch it from the corner of your eye.If someone you may find interesting is looking at you, turn towards him or her and lock eyes, but for only a few seconds.A direct stare lasting more than a few moments can be considered aggressive or hostile.Hold the contact for a few moments and then look down.Don't forget to smile.


If you can see someone looking at you from across the room look for other signs of interest.A person may gaze at you, look away, and then return their gaze to you again.They will probably have a slight smile on their face.If you turn and catch the gaze, and they smile or even blush and look down, you have caught their interest.

When you are talking with someone for the first time there are quite a few signals they can give you as to their willingness to continue the conversation.Subtle non-verbal signs are given off that can say "I like you" or "I am interested".

One thing that is hard to catch is pupil dilation.When a person is looking at something they are interested in, whether it is a person or an item, their pupils will dilate. Smart salespersons can catch this with a prospective client and know they are close to a sale.

Something else to look for is body position.A person who is interested will often standing with their body facing you directly.If they can't directly face you, they will angle their body in your direction the best they can. Open and upright palms are a good sign; this means the person is open to you.Sometimes preening can occur. This is normally a subconscious thing that most people don't even realize they are doing.Women will most often play with their hair, swirl it around their finger, or toss it over their shoulder.Men tend to stand straighter, play with their ties or shirt buttons, or wipe away imaginary lint.This signals an attempt to look their best for the person they are engaged with in conversation.

When the person you are talking with is sitting, here are a few things to consider.A person who is sitting with legs slightly apart and knees pointed in your direction is open to you.If they have their legs crossed, they may not be interested.However, legs crossed loosely with a foot or leg pointed at you is that person subconsciously pointing at what they want, and that is you!Arms crossed over the chest or a person's hands stuffed into their pockets are signs that they are closed off and don't feel comfortable opening up to your attention.This can be a tricky sign though, because it can also be a sign that they are slightly uncomfortable with themselves, not a signal for you to back off.

Women, and sometimes men, will lick their lips briefly or bite their lower lip.This is a good sign.They may touch you briefly in a safe area, such as your back or your arm.This will usually be quick and innocent, but conveys a sense that they want to touch you more.

One big sign of interest is mirroring.You may notice that the other person is mimicking your movements or gestures.Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and this is a good example of that.You may also notice that the person will tilt their head to the side while listening to you speak.This is another sign of attraction and interest.

Remember that it may take some time to really read people in this way.Also remember that as you are looking for signs of attraction to be aware of the signals that you are sending out as well.Keep in mind that this is not an exact science.The general idea is to look for many signs together to give you a clearer picture of a person's interest or intentions.Don't be so intent on body language that you don't hear what they are saying, and don't forget to smile.

© Demand Media 2011