Reading Body Language

In the game of dominance/submission, a long, unblinking stare is associated with aggression and a desire to dominate. You can pick this up in animals by observing two dogs that meet. The dominant dog will stare straight at the other dog, and eventually one will back down by either looking down or "offering his throat" in play to show the other dog he means no challenge. This is done in humans in more subtle ways. The dominant person will hold the gaze and the submissive person will dart their eyes to one side, look down, or cock their head to the side to begin listening (our civilized version of offering the throat). Try watching an angry boss communicate with a hapless employee to see evidence of this domination/submission choreography.

Head movement can show a person's attitude about themselves and the impression they want to make on the world. A person who is very confident may hold his head back and bob it forward when making strategic points much like a rooster, as in being "cocksure". However, as shy person may hold their head down a bit and look up demurely. This is most often seen in females and was a classic pose that showed the shy and delicate side of Princess Diana.

In the mating game between men and women, eyes play a major part. The pupils of men and women dilate when they see someone or a photo of someone that they find attractive. This held true with gay persons concerning same sex attraction. In addition, observers tend to find people with dilated pupils more attractive. This is one of the reasons women tend to wear eye makeup, to draw attention to their pupils and this in turn is perceived by many as attractive.

Torso movements also say a great deal about men and woman. Humans do a "mating dance" comparable to animals and insects. A woman talking with a man she finds attractive will lean forward with her arms at her sides and squeeze her breasts together, enhancing her cleavage, or cross and uncross her knees at the knee. A man will usually sit with legs open or if standing, may hook his fingers in his belt (the swaggering cowboy stance) or just hold his hands in his pockets with pelvis thrust forward (often while sucking the stomach in) to make an impression.

Hand movements say much about a person and can be associated with sex or ethnic group. Fluttery hand movements are associated with femininity and are one of the tools people use to find out if someone is gay. However, in the Italian and other European cultures "talking with hands" is not only acceptable but also part of the enjoyment of being engaged in conversation. On less enjoyable terms, many obscene hand gestures also have been adapted from all over the world into our society and are employed usually as a "parting shot" before walking away from an opponent.

Hand gestures are often combined with head movements to make a point. As observed on talk shows like the Jerry Springer show, many of the streetwise guests hold a hand up in front of them while talking (as if to guard or stop intrusion) while doing "cocksure" head thrust.

In addition to the day-to-day choreography of living, what can body language tell us? Next time you want to know if someone has confidence in what they are saying, see if they place a finger near the nose. This finger or hand to nose are gesture can co notate that they are lying or that they are relating information that they personally do not see as valid. Also, if someone is talking with their hand near or covering their mouth, it could indicate that they have something to hide. Next time you are making a speech or presenting an idea, see how many of your audience is sitting in closed mode (with arms tightly folded) or are they receptive (arms open to receive). Cues from crossed or uncrossed legs can be complicated, as women are socialized to "keep their legs crossed" even when wearing slacks, however, their general torso posture will tell the story.

Becoming an avid observer of body communication one can obtain an edge in personal life and business.